The World Wide Web of memories

It seems as though any place you go in the world, you have some sort of connection with that place. Whether a small, thin thread or a big, thick rope, it's there. In Scotland, it was ancestors and the shared fight for independence. In Indiana, of course, it's family, memories, and where I was born. Sitting here on the last leg of my journey back to Maine, I'm making the flight connection in the Philadelphia Airport. A few years ago, Scheie Eye Institute, in the University of Philadelphia, invited Katie and Alex to be part of an on-going study of their eyes/eye condition (Leber's Congenital Amorosis). My father drove from North Carolina to Philadelphia and met us here so we would have a car (his) and driver (him). He picked us up at the train station, took us to our hotel, had Tasty Cakes and stuff from Stukey's there (both of which we don't get in Maine). The next day, we went to the Eye Institute, where they spent about 10 hours in tests, eye exams, etc. They are looking for a cure, a way to prevent it, or at least a way to reverse it. The folowing day, we all went to the Philadelphia Zoo, which was so much fun. It was in the middle of winter, Alex had sprained his ankle the week before so he was in an air cast and pretty miserable, but that misery disappeared when he got bitten by the pot bellied pig!!!! He also made a friend when the iguana was staring eye-to-eye with him; every time Alex moved, so did the iguana!! My dad always told that story. It was really cute. I have some good pictures of Katie, Alex, and my father there.

So, flying into here reminds me of the time he cared enough to drive here so we wouldn't be "all alone and lost" in this big city. The next times the University wanted Katie and Alex, they flew us down, put us up in a hotel near the Eye Institute, and had a car come for us. But the first time was the most fun when we took the bus from Bangor to Boston, "hopped" on the Amtrack to Philadelphia, had the train stall in the snowstorm--lights dimmed, etc--then spent the weekend with my father getting lost, making bathroom pitstops at high-class hotels, and eating good food.

So, no matter where life takes me, there is always a memory waiting to happen, or a memory resurrected for a smile.

My plane for Portland is about ready to board. This has been a good journey. I hated to have to bury my father, but the good memories will never die, and the new ties with my Indiana Family will stay with me. I'm proud of my Hoosier heritage once again, and glad I had a chance to renew it. Everywhere I travel, I'll think of him and know that his love of traveling, laughter, making "new friends", and re-aquanting with old ones lives on in me; the World Wide Web of Memories continues..... Thanks, Dad. I love you.

Sticky Table Restaurants and Country Miles

I'm sitting in a diner called "Pappy's" in downtown Brazil (right smack dab on Rte 40). It's actually a bar and grill, but I don't see any place for a bar, so I'll consider it a diner. Terra was right--this is the absolutely BEST pulled pork I have ever tasted. I'm enjoying every morsel. It is not open on Sunday and Monday, so we were not able to get here together, but in wandering around Main Street today, my last day here, I saw that it was open, so here I am!! Unfortunately, she had to work today, or I would have loved to be wandering with her.

Pappy's is not a "sticky table restaurant", either. That's Terra's name for the hometown places that don't clean their tables very well, so cups, plates, fingers, and arms stick to the tables. Ewwww.... I had never heard that expression, but I think I'm going to adopt it. I love it. I've been to quite a few of those places in my life, and now I have something to call them!! ha ha

This morning, I learned about "country miles" from Uncle Jack. We drove out to the cemetery after breakfast, and on the way back I asked him about the street signs that said "900N", "800S", etc. I didn't know why they had numbers and compass directions instead of names. There are some streets that have names, and some have a number and a compass direction. He said most of Brazil is laid out in "country miles", so the 911 operators know where to send an emergency vehicle. "800N" is 8 miles parallel to Rt 40, for instance, and each numbered road is a mile long. So, at the end of a road, you know you've gone a mile, then it will intersect with a "new" road, a new name or number, and a new direction. I just thought that was fascinating. I love learning new facts, and any trivia is good trivia. It makes a lot of sense, and now I can see why people around here speak of driving in compass direction terms, instead of "left" and "right". As in: at the next road, go west. Instead of: at the next road, turn left. Of course, there's still the right and left directions, but it's interspersed with a compass point.

Ahh,,,,the things you learn visiting family!!!!

My cousin Brian is coming down from Indianapolis today so I can spend the night at his house and we can be closer to the airport tomorrow morning. That will save me a few hours sleep in the morning, and anytime I can sleep in, I'm happy!! ha ha.

Well, I have finished my absolutely, positively delicious lunch. Even the potato salad is wonderful. Not vinegary. My taste buds will be remembering this for a long time!!! yum yum!!!! And, my laptop is very glad it's not a sticky table restaurant!

Connecting with lost family

It's amazing to be connecting with so much "lost" family. People I haven't seen for over 30 years, and yet it seems like yesterday. I am sitting in a park called "Forest Park", and it's so familiar to me. I remember walking over here from my grandparent's house just down the road on West Posey Street. I remember the "amphitheater" (shell, as they call it here) where my cousins, brother and I used to run around in, the old playground toys, such as the wooden 'merry go round' that had pump handles to make it go faster and faster, round and round...., the teetering steel animals that had sort of saddles for seats and you rocked them back and forth, the bridges over the creeks, and the slides that seemed oh so big at the time, but as an adult are not so tall. There are two original log cabins that had been transported here long before 1960, so we could all see how primitive the living was "back in the day". And, of course, there's the concession stand. Yummy treats were handed out those windows!!!!

For some unknown reason, I have always referred to this park as "Candy Land Park", or "Candy Cane Park". I have n0 idea how my young brain latched on to that, but ever since I was little, I've called it that. I didn't even realize until the other day that the real name is "Forest Park". I have such great memories from here. To be sitting here after all these years is wonderful. And, of course, just thinking of the passing of time and all the advances is amazing. To go back to a neat subject.....I'm accessing the Internet on my laptop via my wireless USB drive which is hooked up to my Verizon Wireless. When I used to come here as a kid, they still had party lines on their telephones!! I love technology.

I have met up with many cousins, as I said, but so far one in particular has been an absolute blessing to me. Terra. She is my Uncle Terry's daughter. He was my father's youngest brother, and he died of lung cancer when he was in his 30's (back in 1978). Terra was young when he died (maybe 7 or 8). I remember when she was little, and I always even liked her as a kid. I'm about 11 years older than she is, so I remember her a lot.

She and I hit it off right away when we met at breakfast Friday morning. Saturday after the funeral, she and her mom (Aunt Anita) took me for a drive and we hung out for a while after that, then Sunday I went to church with them and we spent the day together. She has lent me her car so I've got some independence. Today I have been "exploring" places like downtown, this park, and Walmart!!! I had to see how this Walmart compares to mine in Maine; this one is a lot smaller, and compressed. When I got in her car, she had it tuned to the Christian radio station!!!! Yay!!!!!! I've been able to drive and listen to my favorite music today!!!! Terra is so easy to talk to, and I feel like I've re-discovered a sister. Her husband, Adam, is absolutely adorable and reminds me of Alex in so many ways. Selectively social is definitely something they share!!!! And, she is so much like Katie it's unreal. So sweet.

Tonight, hopefully, will be a dinner with a lot of us--Uncle Jack, Terra, Jane Ann, Jimmy David.....and whoever else wants to join us. Jane Ann and Jimmy David are brother and sister; their mother was Grandmaw's neice, I think. I'm going to have to sit down with Uncle Jack and write out a family tree. I get everyone confused!!! I just know that Jane Ann, her sister Paula Kay (who passed away back in the 1990's) and I would always hang around together when my family came out here to visit from Maryland. I remember one time their mother, Aunt Tootie, took the two sisters and me to Penney's and we three girls got matching pocket books. They were white with black trim and a silver buckle/clasp. We thought we were really something. When I saw Jane Ann at the funeral home, I asked her if she remembered, and she did!!!

So, now I'm sitting here in the park where I played all those years ago. It feels like home. Everyone welcoming me back with open arms feels wonderful. By being here, I'm reconnecting with a past that was warm and comforting, and I don't have any desire to get rid of. I had an incredible childhood, both here and in Maryland. I'll have to go into more sweet memories later, but right now I just like sitting here, or worries or rushing around. It's nice to de-stress for a while. I have one more day in Indiana, then I fly back home Wednesday morning. I'm anxious to be back home and get back to my regular routine, but it's also very nice to be on "vacation". Even though I'm out here for a sad reason, it's nice to be reconnecting. I know that's how my father would have wanted it.

It's getting late, and the wind is starting to get chilly; I don't have a coat on, either. I'll end this for now and write more when I can.

Another leg of my journey.....

I'm now sitting in LaGuardia Airport in New York City, waiting to get on my connecting flight to Indiana. I haven't seen my father's side of the family since he and my mother were divorced about 30 years ago--I was 17. I'm excited about seeing everyone; I wish it were under happier circumstances, of course. It's the way of life, I guess, how a death can reunite a family. I feel like I'm going into a "foreign" family, yet at the same time they are the people with whom I share genes, family connections, and/or memories. My cousin Brian is picking me up in Indianapolis. To hear his voice on the phone yesterday confirming pick up times, I was struck by the grown up I was talking with as opposed to the little kid I knew all those years ago. Time marches on for all of us.

Of course, my father kept me up to date on the news of the Hoosier Clan. Sometimes there were "almost connections" with some of them, but because we are such a nation of "being busy", it never really stuck. I hope it will this time.

They are calling my flight. Here we go........

Technology is Amazing!!!!

I am sitting on a Concord Trailways bus heading down to Portland to catch the plane that will take me to Indiana, where I will attend my father's funeral. I think it's very fitting that this should be the first time I am using something as amazing as completely wireless technology--thanks to my Verizon Wireless handy dandy USB adaptor, which is allowing me complete access to the internet world and beyond. He had finally gotten on board with email as of last year, and decided he loved it. Thanks to Alex and me convincing/hounding/pestering him for years, he had finally given in, gotten a computer, and thought it was wonderful. He'd be absolutely fascinated with this, and would wonder when "computer genius Alex" would improve upon it.

I thought my first computer "way back" in 1998 was a true miracle. Dial up so you can access the world??? Amazing!!! Of course, you couldn't use the phone at the same time, but that was ok. Who called all that much? Well, after a while, that got to be a pain, plus the world wide spider's web of information was exponentially growing, while my cranky old desktop was getting slower and couldn't keep up with al the new innovations. Anyone remember floppy disks? No? My point exactly.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I kept hearing about the wonderful things people were doing with computers, but I just couldn't seem to have all those wonderful experiences. At the same time, Alex was becoming more and more adept at these things, and the more he researched the more he learned that the world was just waiting to happen....but not with a dinosaur of a computer like mine. He introduced me to a word that struck fear in my heart and laughter in my veins---laptop. Why would I want to give up all the "horsepower" of a new desktop, which were also so much cheaper, for a portable device which I wouldn't use all that much anyway; AND I just had to laugh at the thought of ever becoming so attached to a piece of computerized machinery that I couldn't justify spending a few hundred dollars more. He rightfully sneered at me and continued to extoll the virtues of "the portable computer". I rightfully continued to ignore him, blissfully researching the new and improved desk top computer that would grace my desk.

Then, he and I were selected to travel to Scotland with our Wing's Civil Air Patrol. Scotland???? How incredibly exciting!!!! The history, the beauty, the millions of pictures I could take with my brand new digital camera my cousin had gotten for me. Uh oh. That was my achille's heel, and Alex knew it. What would I do with all the pictures once my camera card was full? Wouldn't it be nice to send pictures back to Katie while we were still over there? There's so much you can do on a laptop!! You know, the kid had a point.....I was done. No more arguing. Of course, the final blow to my know-it-all-ego came when he pointed out that for years I had disdainfully disregarded any notion of owning a digital camera. Never wanted one, and couldn't see why people would give up film when they could have digital. Blah, blah, blah. Then, in the spring of '05, my cousin Sandy gave me my first digital camera. I was hooked. No going back. Technology in a hand-held box. Awesome. I LOVED my digital camera. It went everywhere with me, and taking pictures is a passion of mine. So, the digital camera started my descent into Pixel Land, and it's been a wonderful, joyous ride ever since. Needless to say, my laptop was bought and delivered about a month or so before we flew over to Scotland. What an incredible decision!!! Loved it!!! We used it constantly over there. Amazing.

The next new and improved idea from Alex was wireless. No more phone lines. The wireless router was the way to go. (somehow between all this, the broadband experience was brought into the house, so we didn't have to share the phone line anymore, but that just kind of "happened" and I don't remember exactly how.) Ahhhhh..... the wireless time. New and exciting time for our computers. So nice not to have any wires hooked up. Last year, I bought a wireless printer. Amazing. Love it!!!!

Now, I am traveling down the highway, hooked up to the Internet (thank you ARPA Net; Air Force), definitely wireless, but plugged into technology in a big way. Next time Alex says he has a great idea about what we should do relating to computers, I'm just going to tell him to do it, then let me know. I'm sure I'll be happy with his decision.....even if I go unwillingly at first.

My dad died this morning. I was working overnight at Walmart, and I received the phone call from my Uncle Jack around 3AM, during the "lunch time". The hospital had just called him, then he called me right away. I took the phone out in the hallway by the break room, and once I heard the news, I started crying. There were people by the time clock, and when they saw me starting to cry, they all asked if I was OK, if they could help, etc. I kept nodding my head, crying, and talking to my uncle at the same time. I walked down the hall a bit, to a corner, and continued talking to him. Since I was facing into the corner, I didn't see anyone walking towards me; Christine, my immediate boss (Assistant Manager) came up behind me, patting me on the back. I turned around and she was crying, too, and she gave me a huge hug. She stayed right with me for the minute or two it took to finish my phone call with Uncle Jack, and she made sure I was ok. I then explained to her what my uncle had told me, then she said I could go home if I wanted. I didn't want to leave because I deal with things much better when I keep busy. If I came home, I'd have a lot to think about and no one to talk to unless my mother happened to be up, so I stayed there around a lot of people. Since we are closed during the night, everyone in there was an employee and they all know me. It's such a great "little" family at that store. I totally love working for Walmart, especially this particular store.

After about a half hour of being back on the floor (we are doing "mod re-sets", rearranging old merchandise and getting ready for the new merchandise coming in. I only work overnights when they need me, otherwise I'm on the salesfloor during the day.), anyway, after a bit, my "former" boss (Jesse) came over and gave me a hug, too. He is such a doll. He's young (very early 20's), but he has the Leadership Qualities that are so important to being an excellent leader. I'm very protective and motherly towards him, which he finds so funny. He went to overnights permanently about two months ago, but he was my original boss when I was hired over a year ago, and up until they shook everything up by switching all the boss's hours around. One of my coworkers even gave me a hug. Brenda Lee, another wonderful boss, came in this morning for the day shift, and when I told her about it, she even hugged me!!

I called Uncle Jack once I got home, and North Carolina will have to embalm the body so they can send it on the airplane back to Indiana. The funeral will be held whenever I want it, so I changed my flight from North Carolina to Indiana. I was able to change the destination, but not the days. Otherwise, I would be paying tons of money. It will be kind of nice to go back to Indiana.

It's so strange not to have my dad be-bopping somewhere on this earth. We didn't talk incredibly often, but even when we weren't in touch, I knew where he was. And that's a nice feeling to know that as soon as he gets internet accesss, he'd drop me an email, or a letter, or even a phone call. Or, I'd write to him, and know that once he got back, he'd get it. There was always the thread of a connection, even if it was sometimes just a quick call or a one sentence email. Half of my DNA is gone. That' s a strange feeling.

Losing a parent

This has been an extremely hard week. This past Monday (March 3) I got a phone call from my dad's "girlfriend"--they are in their 60s/70s and been together for over 10 years, so should I say companion?--telling me my dad had fallen and was in the hospital with bleeding in his brain. At first, they thought it was "only" a vessel that was leaking and could be fixed. Since they live in the tiny town of Maysville, NC, he was transferred to a larger hospital in Wilmington, New Hanover Region Med Center. He was in the ICU, and the nurse held the phone so I could talk to him. He was coherent, but just a little "out of it"; he said I sounded like our neighbor up here. He has never said that, and our voices are nothing alike. He told me a little about his trip to Florida to spend a week with his brother, Uncle Jack, and how nice it was to spend time with him. He also told me how he was in a lot of pain down there, and sat on the couch most of the time, and was in too much pain to drive back to NC, so Karen drove. When he fell that morning, "I fell down and the ground fell up!!" Yup, always something "smart" to say, no matter the circumstances. He seemed tired, so I told him I loved him very much and that everything would be ok.

That was the last time I talked to him; the last words he ever spoke to me.

Since then, I have called every day or the doctor--Dr. Schultz--has called me. He is an incredibly nice, sincere doctor. Tells me like it is. Actually, the nurses are incredibly wonderful, too. The first few days when I called, my dad was sleeping so I couldn't talk to him. He got progressively worse each day, where he has been in a coma for the past three days.

Last Tuesday, I found out from Dr.Schultz that my dad has small cell carcinoma, caused by YEARS of smoking, which was not detected early enough, even though the mass in his lungs was as big as a baseball. By last Monday when he went in, the mass had invaded the lining of the lung and started touching a rib. More CT scans followed, and they found it all through his spine, his brain, bones, and wrapped around the arteries of his chest. At first, the doctors thought the sub-dual hematoma (bleeding in his brain) was caused by the aspirins he was taking for his heart; since his heart attack a few years ago, he's been doing the aspirin regimine. By Thursday, the bleeding had gone from just the right side of his brain to the left, and was draining all through his body. Dr. Schultz said the bleeding happens with cancer like this.

Tuesday, I started looking for flights down there, thinking I had a few weeks to see him. By Thursday, I knew I had to get down there sooner, so that morning I was able to book a flight on US Air out to Bangor to Raleigh-Durham Airport. I leave Thursday, March 12, and return Wednesday, March 18. I will either rent a car while I'm down there, or my cousin Sandy, her son Nicky and his family live in NC, so they have offered to help, too.

Thursday night, on my way home from work at Walmart, I got a call from dad's ICU nurse telling me he had taken a turn for the worse, with swelling of the brain and even more bleeding, and she didn't know how long he would "last". As with everytime I talked to a nurse or the doctor, I asked her to tell him I love him and that I'm trying to get down there as soon as possible. I was so glad I had booked my flight, but of course now I wish I had made it for sooner. However, at the time I made the reservation, there seemed to be more time. Now, it seems like every day he picks up momentum on the downhill slope toward leaving us.

Everyday, of course, I have also been in touch with Karen, her daughters who came out from Indiana to be with her, or my Uncle Jack, with whom I have emailed over the years, but haven't actually talked to since my parent's divorce when I was 17 (30 years ago!!!!!) It was so nice to talk to him again. I'd love to reconnect with my Indiana family. My dad's family is all there, and I was born there in Clay County Hospital, Brazil Indidana. Fun fact of the day.

I called the hospital this morning, thinking I was going to talk with weekend doctor (Dr. Schultz told me yesterday that he has the weekend off), but when I called the nurse put me on the phone with Karen, who had been there all night. As she and I were talking, Uncle Jack came in, so I talked with him for a bit, then the doctor came in for an update, and Uncle Jack held the phone so I could hear what was being said. That was a good idea. The doctor said he could hang on for a few weeks or a few days. I really want to get down there before he dies. I know he can't hear me, or will even realize I'm there, but just in case......

As Karen and I were talking, we discovered that neither she nor I know anything about my father's will. Is that too ridiculous or what???? When I talked to him a few years ago, after his heart attack, he just said "don't worry about it; Karen knows what to do, and everything's taken care of." She said the only thing she knows about is his stock account with a certain company. Other than that, she has no idea who his lawyer is or if he even had one, since he never discussed it with her. Now, poor Karen has to deal with all of this. Well, as his daughter, I guess it's going to be up to me, but I don't even know where to start!!! Of course, since I'm a "digger", I can probably find out anything I need to. She and I will figure all this out once everything has settled down. I'm worried that she's going to get herself sick with the stress of watching him die, and not getting enough sleep or to eat. She is a very nice lady, and I've always liked her. In fact, the few times she has talked to my mother, mom has said that she's nice.

So, that's the story of what's happening as of now, March 7, 11:25AM. I will be making more plans for once I go down there. I have called their neighbor who went to the same church so I can find out about my dad's "heart place". I know he grew up Pentacostal, and they attended a Southern Baptist church in NC, so I really hope he's going to be waiting for me in Heaven.