This has been an extremely hard week. This past Monday (March 3) I got a phone call from my dad's "girlfriend"--they are in their 60s/70s and been together for over 10 years, so should I say companion?--telling me my dad had fallen and was in the hospital with bleeding in his brain. At first, they thought it was "only" a vessel that was leaking and could be fixed. Since they live in the tiny town of Maysville, NC, he was transferred to a larger hospital in Wilmington, New Hanover Region Med Center. He was in the ICU, and the nurse held the phone so I could talk to him. He was coherent, but just a little "out of it"; he said I sounded like our neighbor up here. He has never said that, and our voices are nothing alike. He told me a little about his trip to Florida to spend a week with his brother, Uncle Jack, and how nice it was to spend time with him. He also told me how he was in a lot of pain down there, and sat on the couch most of the time, and was in too much pain to drive back to NC, so Karen drove. When he fell that morning, "I fell down and the ground fell up!!" Yup, always something "smart" to say, no matter the circumstances. He seemed tired, so I told him I loved him very much and that everything would be ok.
That was the last time I talked to him; the last words he ever spoke to me.
Since then, I have called every day or the doctor--Dr. Schultz--has called me. He is an incredibly nice, sincere doctor. Tells me like it is. Actually, the nurses are incredibly wonderful, too. The first few days when I called, my dad was sleeping so I couldn't talk to him. He got progressively worse each day, where he has been in a coma for the past three days.
Last Tuesday, I found out from Dr.Schultz that my dad has small cell carcinoma, caused by YEARS of smoking, which was not detected early enough, even though the mass in his lungs was as big as a baseball. By last Monday when he went in, the mass had invaded the lining of the lung and started touching a rib. More CT scans followed, and they found it all through his spine, his brain, bones, and wrapped around the arteries of his chest. At first, the doctors thought the sub-dual hematoma (bleeding in his brain) was caused by the aspirins he was taking for his heart; since his heart attack a few years ago, he's been doing the aspirin regimine. By Thursday, the bleeding had gone from just the right side of his brain to the left, and was draining all through his body. Dr. Schultz said the bleeding happens with cancer like this.
Tuesday, I started looking for flights down there, thinking I had a few weeks to see him. By Thursday, I knew I had to get down there sooner, so that morning I was able to book a flight on US Air out to Bangor to Raleigh-Durham Airport. I leave Thursday, March 12, and return Wednesday, March 18. I will either rent a car while I'm down there, or my cousin Sandy, her son Nicky and his family live in NC, so they have offered to help, too.
Thursday night, on my way home from work at Walmart, I got a call from dad's ICU nurse telling me he had taken a turn for the worse, with swelling of the brain and even more bleeding, and she didn't know how long he would "last". As with everytime I talked to a nurse or the doctor, I asked her to tell him I love him and that I'm trying to get down there as soon as possible. I was so glad I had booked my flight, but of course now I wish I had made it for sooner. However, at the time I made the reservation, there seemed to be more time. Now, it seems like every day he picks up momentum on the downhill slope toward leaving us.
Everyday, of course, I have also been in touch with Karen, her daughters who came out from Indiana to be with her, or my Uncle Jack, with whom I have emailed over the years, but haven't actually talked to since my parent's divorce when I was 17 (30 years ago!!!!!) It was so nice to talk to him again. I'd love to reconnect with my Indiana family. My dad's family is all there, and I was born there in Clay County Hospital, Brazil Indidana. Fun fact of the day.
I called the hospital this morning, thinking I was going to talk with weekend doctor (Dr. Schultz told me yesterday that he has the weekend off), but when I called the nurse put me on the phone with Karen, who had been there all night. As she and I were talking, Uncle Jack came in, so I talked with him for a bit, then the doctor came in for an update, and Uncle Jack held the phone so I could hear what was being said. That was a good idea. The doctor said he could hang on for a few weeks or a few days. I really want to get down there before he dies. I know he can't hear me, or will even realize I'm there, but just in case......
As Karen and I were talking, we discovered that neither she nor I know anything about my father's will. Is that too ridiculous or what???? When I talked to him a few years ago, after his heart attack, he just said "don't worry about it; Karen knows what to do, and everything's taken care of." She said the only thing she knows about is his stock account with a certain company. Other than that, she has no idea who his lawyer is or if he even had one, since he never discussed it with her. Now, poor Karen has to deal with all of this. Well, as his daughter, I guess it's going to be up to me, but I don't even know where to start!!! Of course, since I'm a "digger", I can probably find out anything I need to. She and I will figure all this out once everything has settled down. I'm worried that she's going to get herself sick with the stress of watching him die, and not getting enough sleep or to eat. She is a very nice lady, and I've always liked her. In fact, the few times she has talked to my mother, mom has said that she's nice.
So, that's the story of what's happening as of now, March 7, 11:25AM. I will be making more plans for once I go down there. I have called their neighbor who went to the same church so I can find out about my dad's "heart place". I know he grew up Pentacostal, and they attended a Southern Baptist church in NC, so I really hope he's going to be waiting for me in Heaven.
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