Questions I hate to answer.....

There are certain questions I hate to answer. Not because I don't know the answer, but because the answer I want to give will invariably be the least expected response that "real people" expect to hear. The "certain questions" I am referring to are the ones centered around how I feel about something. Which, in turn, usually means it's going to be a question that's totally obvious. Hmmmm....let me think for a moment to see if I can come up with an example. Oh, I know--I'll use a question asked of me tonight. One of the parents of a cadet in the squadron asked me, with deep, deep concern and sympathy in her voice, "How are you holding up with Katie gone? Do you miss her? Is it hard without her home?" Arrrgh!!!!

I realize this is three questions rolled into one, and only one of those statements is the exact quote, but I honestly can't tell you which one it is, because all three of those constitute one dumb question (explanation to follow). I also know that this particular parent has never, ever let her one and only child out of her sight his entire life--all 15 years of it--so her dependence on her child is driving this inane question, but, still.........I also know this/these are asked in the spirit of "motherly camaraderie", which I usually don't mind, but knowing this particular parent has never, except for four days this past spring for Airman Academy, let him out of her sight, well.....I just wasn't in the mood for an "un-understanding" person asking me a question like that.

Here's the thing.....I have one of two ways to handle this. "It's hard, but I think I can manage to not cry for about 5 minutes at a time, so I'm improving. And, checking off the days one by one by one by one.....That gives me something to look forward to, and helps keep my otherwise empty brain from getting the best of me so I don't go crazy with how much I miss her. But, I can be strong so the world doesn't see me falling apart while I'm smiling on the outside, but just wasting away to nothing on the inside...."

The second answer is a whole lot easier, but not understood by most "sane" parents. "I'm fine. Why? Am I supposed to miss her?"

Personally, I prefer the second answer. It's to the point, and also asks another question to the initial asker. The second answer, of course, is not totally accurate, either, but it's still the better choice of the two. I'll just say this right here, so people will understand...."I ALWAYS miss Katie and Alex when they go away to somewhere. I don't care if it's back to college, or away on a trip. I ALWAYS MISS THEM. I LOVE THEM...AND I MISS THEM. There, now that that's out of the way....

How can a child go away and NOT be missed?? So, yes, I miss them.
How can a child go away and I don't learn how to cope? Of course I'm coping.
How hard can it be with her gone??? She's gone 7 months of the year to attend college. I think I've learned a few coping skills over the years.

I miss Katie and Alex dreadfully when they go anywhere. They are icredible young adults/children who are fun to be around, smart, delightful, and caring. I love sitting around the table talking, or with all of us on our repsective laptops/Braillenotes, while listening to either Focus on the Family radio programs (Adventures in Odyssey, etc) or the Kim Komando radio call-in show for help with all the computer questions. I love where discussions lead us.

However, I have learned to cope with them not being there because they are such wonderful, intelligent, independent people I've ever known. I respect that immensely. I know that my ability to cope with them being gone has an immense impact on how well they will do in college, or wherever it is that I won't be there to hold their hand. If they don't have to worry about me being a wreck, then they can concentrate on what they have to do.

It's all a mind-set thing. My heart always misses them. However, my mind knows it's not good to give into the disappointment of them being gone. So, I find things to keep my mind occupied. I think of what can be accompished with no one else here. It's a sad fact of life that we have to get used to our kids moving up and away, but that's why the children are born in the first place. I've always said that I had "individual people", not just "babies". Babies means that they will stay young; young adults means that they will grow up to be independent, functioning citizens of the USA.

So, of course I miss Katie when she's gone. Of course I miss Alex when he's gone. But, how else will they become adults if they aren't "allowed" to make some mistakes whie in the comfort and safety of their own home????? I cope with missing either of them just how I cope with everything else..I learn to deal with it, know that it's my job to miss them, and it's their job to grow up and away from me. Anyway, what kind of lousy parent would I be if I made them feel guilty for growing up just because I wanted them to "keep me company". I miss my kids like crazy when they are not here. But, the reality of life is that they get older, move out, and have an incredibly fun and exciting time of doing so!!! I can enjoy what they do because when they tell me all about their "exploits", they know I will share their enthusiam for it, not belittle the fun and excitement.

Now, to loop all these explantions back to the original statement..........this is Katie's fourth time traveling to Honduars with the church, so when this parent asked me if I missed Katie, it must be hard, etc.....I just looked at her and said, "well, it's her fourth time, so, I don't really think about it.

As I said, I hate certain questions. If you want an honest answer, come to me. If you want something sugar-coated, see someone else.

I love you, Katie-girl, and I'm praying for you everyday. Enjoy the wild roller-coaster ride to accomplishing all of your dreams. I'm right here cheering you and Alex on. Hugs and kisses!!!!!! Mom.