Catchin' up on stuff......

It will be interesting to see what date and time gets stamped on this when I hit "post". As of this moment, it is 11:46 pm, Oct 31. However, we move the clocks back an hour as of 2 am (a few hours from now). AND, I'm never quite sure if this blog's site goes by Eastern Standard Time, Atlantic Time, or what. I thought I had it set to EST, but whenever I post after midnight and I think the date will be the next day's, it's still the original day. Too confusing for me. So, we'll see what date and time it decides to put on here when I'm finished rambling.

Even though I think I lead a very boring life, a lot always seems to happen. I've had a very stressful past few weeks. Some of it's my fault, some not. I know how much of an attitude I can have, but I don't think this time it's all on me. Back in August, there was a change of command in our Maine Wing Civil Air Patrol. Our previous wonderful Commander had served his four year term, so another one was selected. I wasn't crazy about who was chosen, but I had no say in it. I don't dislike the man at all. I think he's very nice and will do a lot of good for the Wing. However, I feel he's a micro-manager and I don't do well with that type of person. He didn't take office until sometime in September because of an issue with another person who had applied for the same position and hadn't been given the chance to truly compete. So, there was another, sort of a tie-breaker, Board convened, and in the end the original "winner" still got the position. (I would have loved to work for the other contender).

For some reason, as soon as he got the position, I knew my time as DCP was going to end. It is the privilege of the incoming commander to pick his new staff. I figured I was gone by the end of September. That time frame came and went, and I was still there, so I thought my job was safe. Nope.....the stress was just beginning, but my prediction was about to come true. He sent an email out to the staff to have a report due for October's staff meeting on plans for the rest of the year. All of my programs don't start until after Christmas/New Year, so I figured I have nothing to report on. In the same email he said in November he expects an in depth report on what's happening for next year; that I could do, so I thought I'd have a month to get everything ready. Well, at October's meeting, all the other departments were going on and on about their plans for the whole year, which isn't unusual since they are more year-round types of departments. It got to me, and I said I don't have anything planned until February so that's the end of my report. He was not happy. He was trying to pull information out of me by saying "but you have things planned" and "what about the NCSAs". Well, I have to say I thought that was pretty stupid; I mean, of course I have things planned, but that's not what he said he wanted until November, and theNational Special Cadet Activities are not even up on the National web site until November 1, so how can I report on something that's not even available??? I could feel the tension between us, and I wasn't helping. I honestly didn't know what he wanted from me. I felt like everyone else was following a script, but I was left out of the loop. And in a way, I guess they were since most of them are business men or have been in some type of command either at the squadron level or in the military. I'm just me.

Then, about a week or so later, he sends me an email that he had decided to have a cadet leadership training course here and he wants me to head it up. Not please, could you, or how about.....but you will. Excuse me? I will? Really? But, since I've wanted to direct another one anyway, I put his rudeness aside and start making plans. Since I'm in charge--or, heading it up--I decide that it will be at the Region level so we can attract more people and make it worthwhile to have it AND benefit other Wings. I start getting contact information for Hanscom AFB to get the dates set. Nope. He wants it in Maine. AND it has to be in March. But, I'm getting the Wing Cadet Comp for March, plus the Wing Conference is in March. Doesn't matter. He has a plan for when trainings will be held, and I'm to "make it work". This is all not setting too well with me at all, and I'm starting to feel like I'm selling myself just to keep my job, as unpaid as it is, as DCP. He has also informed me that he "will" have a concurrent NCO Academy with the Airman Academy. When I tried to explain that we only have 136 cadets in the Wing, and less than half of them are active, so I'd be taking cadet officers away from the AA, he said his philosophy is "if you present it, they will attend". As much as I tried to make him understand that I've been doing this job for a while, and we just don't have that many cadets to do everything, he thinks I'm wrong. He wants Maine Wing to be a "premier learning center". His answer to me when I asked him if I could ask a question about why he was so adamant about all this was "you can ask, but my answer will still be the same". That's not someone who is open to dialogue. I can't work like that. My answer to him was "I'll try", but I didn't want to promise him something and have to say I failed. I was going to try my best, but he wanted a commitment that I would do things his way no matter what. I only want to do what's in the best interest of the cadets, and taking resources from one program to shift to another--which, by the way is available at the Region level at the Cadet Academy, but he didn't care about that--was ridiculous. So, I had to say "I'm on board" (his words, not mine). Then, he said he needed dates for different things I had planned, but I didn't have the dates nailed down because I only had a few days to get him dates, and when I sent him the dates that I "plugged in", he didn't like it because I hadn't "secured the venues" (again, his words, not mine). Explaining to him that I only had a few days to get the dates to him and I had emails out to people about "securing the venues", well, he didn't like that answer either. Of course, he called me twice during this two week ordeal-of-stress, but life being what it is, there wasn't a lot of time conducive to calling him back. I didn't feel like having a stressful conversation at midnight and then trying to sleep after that, and on two consecutive weekends I had to make trips to Farmington for Katie and Alex, and I don't think driving and talking about stressful things is a good idea.

So, last Sunday I woke up to an email saying I had been removed as DCP, and an immediate follow up email with the information that I am now Director of Special Activities. I was crying hysterically, sobbing, hyperventilating....etc. Not a good way to start the morning before church. I called my friend who is the Chief of Staff and told her what happened. She knew because he had already called her; he had also called me right before, but had to leave a message as I was getting ready for church and didn't hear the phone. She kept saying to calm down, it will be ok, I'm still in Cadet Programs, just not in the same job.....etc. As a Christian, she said for me to go to church, don't worry about it right now, listen to the message, and let God take over. Between sniffles, I agreed she was right, and that I should send him an email that I still want to discuss it when I get home. So, I sent the email, went to church, and really listened. The Missions Pastor was talking about the Prodigal Son story, but he put a different perspective on it. The elder son was supposed to take care of everything when the younger son returned home; it wasn't the father's job to do that. Since the elder son wasn't happy about the younger son taking the money, being a pig, on and on, he went against tradition and didn't do anything for the son, thereby making the father look bad because he had to plan everything and host the party in his elder son's place. The elder son thought things wouldn't happen if he wasn't there to do his duty, but the father made them happen anyway. So, we shouldn't have the elder son's attitude when we have been in a position, anywhere, for a while. We are never that important that things can't happen without us. Pastor Chris Gnanekan said we should never have an "elder's attitude".

I thought that was a great message, and it really hit my heart. I've always said I wasn't that important that Cadet Programs couldn't run without me; a trained monkey can do what I'm doing. But, I wanted it to be on my time frame, not someone else's. So, I was actually being an "elder", but in a different way. I had to change my heart-attitude. That message helped tremendously when I spoke with him that afternoon. It was still hard, but it went ok. My main concern was who he was going to put in there to replace me. I had a feeling from back in August of who it might be, but then that person took another position at Wing, and I didn't think they could have two positions. Apparently they can, because she was asked. When I talked to him that day, he said he didn't know who he was going to put in there, but he had everyone's record who had a rating in Cadet Programs, and it might take him a while before he found someone. Within two hours there was an announcement on the list serve that the position had been filled. I'm stupid, but I'm not that stupid......there was some behind the scenes stuff going on. Which, is within his right to do what he wants. However, I wish he'd have done this back in September. Just be honest with me and replace me; don't put me through tests to see if I can live up to your expectations. I'm not good at tests, and I'm really not good when I get an attitude. I really, really like who he put in there as DCP; I just don't like the disingenuous way he did it. It was disrespectful to me.

However, the new DCP is going to be fine. She and I met for a surprising three hours Monday morning and discussed the goals, how she does things, what she needs to know, etc. I will not mind working with her at all. And, if the wing commander keeps deciding that he wants to take Cadet Programs in too much of a different direction than I'm comfortable with, I'll just step down from Wing altogether and go back to just the squadron level. I have been appointed Public Affairs Officer in the squadron, so I'm really excited about that. I know I'll have something to do there, so I won't miss being at Wing if I just can't agree with the commander. We'll see what happens. At least I'm "handing it off" (even thought it's not by choice) to a person I can respect as DCP. I hope all these accolades don't blow up in my face!! ha ha When I took over as DCP 2 1/2 years ago, I had no real on-the-job training; he was there if I needed to call him, but it's not like I was able to be Co-DCP and learn directly from him; I learned tons and tons by trial and lots of error. But, I feel good about the job I did, all things considered. I kept the Cadet Program afloat, the cadets never lost anything; they still had Airman Academy, Encampment, etc. I was able to conduct the last Encampment in the state, then they following two were at the Region level, of which I was a part of helping to start. I'm still on the staff for the Region Academy/Encampment and the Region Cadet Competition. With our ever-shrinking cadet population (as it is in every other state), I did all that I could. I could have done more, I guess, but I don't really have that take-charge personality to get it done; I'm more of a laid back, it will happen type. Not always a good thing, but it generally works for me. I think I did well with the limited cadet resources and very limited Senior Member support I had. I don't regret anything; I loved my position, but now it's time for someone else to take over, and I'm fine with that.

We'll see how it goes.
al
I've been writing for an hour and a half. If I stay awake for another half hour, I'll see the time change. I'm not too exhausted since I fell asleep on the couch for a half hour earlier. A really deep sleep, too. I've not been sleeping too well at night lately. I think my stress level is getting up there. I think I'm stuck in a rut and I don't know what to do about it. I absolutely have to find another job, but I need one that is flexible enough to allow me to take off when needed. With Katie and Alex not driving (kind of dangerous when you're legally blind!!!), and also my mother not being physically able to drive, it al falls on me. I don't mind most of the time, but sometimes it gets to be a lot. I'm not AT ALL talking about the "kids"; they are so easy to schedule things around, and if they are home and have to go someplace, they either walk, take the city bus, or get their friend Bobby to do it. It's scheduling my mother's doctor's appointments, etc that get to be too much. I can't even begin to think of how often she has had me (!!!) reschedule an appointment because she's "too weak/tired/pick one" to make it. She gets up and takes a shower, and she's back for another 2 hour nap. She has crippling arthritis and fybro myalgia, so I know she gets tired so easily, but it's still irritating when I re-arrange my schedule to get her someplace and she says she can't make it. I understand intellectually, but it still grates on my nerves. I think I've been around it too long, without a break. That's one of the reasons I love it when Katie comes home. She takes some of the burden off me. Even though she can't drive her around, she's there to sit and talk to her, to discuss cooking, sewing, etc. Also, my mother is very negative. She doesn't see it in herself, but it drives me absolutely crazy. Very rarely does she have a positive comment to say about things, but the negative pops up first. "I hate that dress on that girl" (tv, for example); "why do people talk like that these days" (referring to changes in the vocabulary or pronunciation--"garden" with emphasis on the "d" instead of almost silent); my hair used to be a popular topic, but I got it dyed about two months ago, so that fun is taken from her; she has finally let off the subject of my weight, thank goodness; if a kid is a rather ugly kid in a picture, that's the first comment---always. Wow, that kid is ugly. Not, oh the dress is adorable, but the kid is ugly. Nope. The ugly comes first, then a comment on the cute dress.....'the cute dress can't even make her look better'.

When I point it out to her, she gets all defensive and says she's "only making a comment". After all, she's in this house 24 hours a day, all. the. time. Yes, emphasis on all. the. time. Makes it sound like I have her stuck in here. Under "house arrest" (her words, not mine). Part of her problem is that she's usually in such pain that she's awake til maybe 5 AM, then once she gets to sleep she doesn't get up until very late afternoon, by which time I'm just getting home and am exhausted and don't want to take her anywhere. But, I will if she needs/wants to.

Only 10 minutes before it's 2AM. I'm starting to get sooooooooooo sleepy. Hope I can hang on til then just to see what happens. Maybe I have to re-start my computer for it to take effect. Or, it might do it even while running, like my cell phone. I'm not feeling like I just gained an hour; I can't stop yawning. I hope once I get into bed this time that I'll fall right to sleep instead of tossing and turning. Six more minutes. How can they just crawl like that?????(the minutes)

Oh, that's right....back to the job-ramble. I need a flexible job that I can do at home. Unless I can pick up at least three more houses a week, which would be great. My houses I can always re-arrange when I need to do something. I'd love an on line job or something to do with writing. I should write articles for the newspaper, or Weekly, or something like that.

One more minute!!!!! We need a drum-roll here....1:59 and counting.......and counting.......and waiting........1:00!!!!!!! Hey.....it turned from 1:59 to 1:00!!!! That was interesting. So, now that it's "only" 1 am instead of 2 am, I think I'm supposed to be less sleepy....waiting.....waiting.....nope, still just as tired as I was "an hour" ago.

Think I'll get some sleep now. Good night/morning/whatever.

No title....just thoughts

It's Halloween!!!!!! Boo! So, that's out of the way now. I've never been all that crazy about this day. I used to like it when I was a kid, of course, because it meant free candy and dressing up. When Katie and Alex were really little, I liked it for the same reason, only I got to be the one dressing up the kids. Once they started getting older--by age 10 or before--I started not to like it. I started to see it through a different perspective, and it felt like we were out there begging. I know, it seems stupid. But, I wanted to put another spin on it, and start giving to others instead. One or two years we went out and collected canned goods for the soup kitchen; instead of asking for candy, we asked for others to have a meal. It felt really good, and I think the kids were happy, too. Then, Katie and Alex were getting old enough that they didn't want to dress up anymore anyway, so we just stopped doing anything.

Katie and Alex are now in college at UMFarmington, and around Halloween there are grade school kids who come through the dorms trick or treating. Katie loves it. She and her roommate dress up for the kids and they hand out candy. Alex, of course, leaves his light off so he won't be bothered!! ha I'm not sure who organizes the parade of kids going through; Farmington is famous as a Teacher's College, so I think some of the student teachers there bring their classes. I'm not really sure, but Katie has enjoyed it every year. "Oh, Mom, they're soooooo cute!!!" No, Katie, you are cute!!!!

Gotta go feed the dogs.

Amazing

I don't have a lot of time to write at the moment, but I have a very important point to make right now. Well, more of an observation, but still very important.

How in the world do people go through a day, let alone their whole lives, without knowing that God is right there? I honestly could not make it through one day without relying on Christ.

It would be a sad, lonely, miserable existence without Him always there.

Thank you, God, for sending Your Son to be my Savior, and for giving me the common sense of accepting Him. I'd be nothing without You.

I love You; I'm Yours.

Has it really been since June since I've written???? Wow. Every time I want to write something, there is always something else to do, something else that needs to come first, something else to take care of before I give myself the luxury of writing. Why do I do that to myself? I love to write. It's very calming to me, and helps me to sort out my crazy, sometimes stressed world.

Well, let's get caught up on what's been happening. Everyone came home safe and sound from Honduras. When I picked Katie up from the church, she desperately needed some "American" food, so we went to Denny's and she had a "junkie breakfast", topped off with a bowl of fruit with whipped cream. Then we went home and she was able to get some sleep while I washed all of her clothes so she could spend the next day packing to get ready to go to my cousin Sandy's house in North Carolina for 2 weeks. She took the Concord Trailways bus down to Boston, where Sandy's cousin lives, celebrated the 4th of July by watching fireworks from Dolly's porch overlooking the Boston Harbor, then they both flew out from Logan the next day to start their two weeks with Sandy. When Katie came home, she was only home for a few days before Alex and I left for our annual Civil Air Patrol Encampment at Otis Air Force Base,on Cape Cod.

However, a few days before she came home, therefore a few days before we left (everything really overlapped this summer), Sandy's son Nick and his wife Rebecca came up for a 2 1/2 day visit since they were visiting Becky's family in Vermont and wanted to show us the newest addition to their family....twin boys!! So, now they have five children under the age of 6, two of them twin boys a few months old!! It was quite "lively" around here for a few days.We also couldn't mention that Katie was in North Carolina visiting their grandmother while they were up here because they would have wanted to go right home so they could see her! In the middle of all this, though, I'm dealing with tons and tons of last minute packing for both Alex and me, phone calls like crazy trying to arrange transportation for my Maine Wing cadets, emails and list serves to attend to, plus trying to have a nice visit. It was quite a busy time, for lack of a better word. I loved seeing them, and seeing the kids, but it was a really bad time for me and I feel like I wasn't able to give them the time they needed. Because I am the Encampment Public Affairs Officer, and this year Alex was my assistant, we had to practically bring a whole office with us. Paper, computers (my laptop and his desktop), two printers, about 10 boxes (no kidding) of miscellaneous PAO/office stuff, and more boxes of random things like straws, coffee cups, the sugar and coffee, bandannas, sewing kit and sewing machine, and iron, Wrinkle Release (trademark logo here?)......you name it, I probably had it with me. Not forgetting, of course, our uniforms, and suitcases with clothes and extra uniforms for the 10 days.

Since I am the Director of Cadet Programs for Maine Wing, in addition to 'just' making sure I had everything I needed, I also had to make sure all of my Wing cadets had transportation down there, secure drivers for the Wing vans, figure out which vans were going to be able to stay with us for the duration, and which one had to come back to Maine. I also had to make sure everyone had paid, if they were going to pay once they got down there, or if a squadron was paying for them. In addition, I had to get all names to my drivers since I would already have been down there for 2 days with the adult and cadet staff before my other drivers arrived with the basics. Along with all this, I was trying to put together a surprise video to commemorate Col Treadwell's 20 year of sacrificing so the cadets could have an Encampment, plus all the millions of other things he's done for the cadets of this Wing (and now the Region). That would have been done back in the Spring, as I had planned it, but my computer kept crashing, Movie Maker took forever because it didn't have enough.....whatever it needed, and even trying to scan in old pictures of him that I confiscated right from under his nose (I'm sneaky!! And I had help from his wife and daughter) took forever. By the time I got my new, wonderful, beautiful, FAST computer in June, I barely had time to get used to it when it was time to go to Encampment. This meant that the entire video would have to be made at Encampment, with Col T's office right across the hall, and a newsletter to get out everyday, plus being present to take all the pictures needed for the slideshow we present each year at the end of Encampment for the cadets.

But, both slideshows got finished, I was able to buy a beautiful Eagle trophy and have it delivered there without him knowing, and a perfect newsletter was printed every day. One of the other Senior Members on staff, Lt Abby Renzullo, was invaluable in putting together the slideshow for the cadets....she's amazing. And, Col Prouty was my "spy" in getting the Eagle trophy for me, giving me the name of the trophy place he uses down there, and smuggling the trophy onto the base without Col T knowing about till the presentation at graduation.

Even with all the pressures, Encampment is so much fun. In a very strange way, it's relaxing. Other people might not understand why, but anyone who has been involved with one knows exactly what I'm talking about. To me, it's a very organized vacation away from my life at home. I still wait on people, in a way, but it's making sure the cadets are where they are supposed to be at a certain time, the newsletter gets printed, pictures get taken (by me!!!!!), breakfast lunch and dinner are always at the same time, and I am not constantly asked, "What do you want for dinner?" My sole focus while I'm there is helping to ensure the activity runs smoothly, things are produced on time, and to help where ever I'm needed. I don't get to bed til 1 or 2 in the morning, I'm up again between 5 and 6 AM, and I'm happy. It's great.

With Alex as my PAO, this year we had a blog so the parents/friends/cadets-who-didn't-attend could read it. He wrote it everyday, in addition to writing all the newsletter articles, so it was wonderful to have that extra time being able to devote to getting just the right picture in the newsletter AND so I could have that extra, valuable time to work on Col T's slideshow.

Oh, what an incredibly organized chaotic two weeks of my life. And, I love it more every year.

However, I was so glad to get home to spend some time with Katie!!!! Since she left for her "surprise trip to Honduras" on June 20, I had only seen her a grand total of maybe five days. Not nearly enough. Even though there was nothing "official" planned for August, the three of us never seemed to be in one spot at the same time to do something fun. Alex had been gone most of June and July helping his friend Bobby & Family move into and remodel their "new-to-them" house. It needed some major renovating, and Alex's strength and work ethic are very much appreciated. Once we got back from Encampment, he went back to helping over there (a few blocks over from us), plus he and Bobby started on a project for me---putting a railing up on the deck. It used to go right out to a huge above ground pool, but as Katie and Alex got older, they were busy doing other things besides swimming so after a year of non-use, by mutual decision we got rid of it. We only had it a few years, but it was well used in that time. So, the one end of the deck hasn't had a railing for like 5 years, but the house insurance company saw that on one of their random checks, and they "dinged" us for it. The fall from the deck to the ground is only about 5 or so feet, we don't have any little kids running around, and my dogs are smart enough to know not to step out into thin air, yet we have to put a railing up for non-existent dumb visitors who wouldn't know enough to think, "oh, wait, I shouldn't get too close to the edge since there's no railing there!!!" We've had tons of people in all shapes and ages on that deck, and we haven't lost one yet!!

It rained so much this summer!! Katie had planted a small garden, but some of it just didn't want to grow because it was sooooooo wet. Alex and Bobby did the best they could on the railing, but even so it didn't really get finished til this past weekend when my kids came home from college and they were able to get it done. It looks very nice. Great work for two young men who had never built anything like this before. I had told them in general what I wanted, and they took that information and built something very nice.

Between the rain, being busy, and Katie's and Alex's individual plans, August was still not our month to be together. Finally, the last Sunday in August we went to Acadia National Park to see the waves caused by Hurricane Bill. They were gorgeous and I got some great pictures. We took Katie's friend, Elizabeth, with us. She and Katie have been friends since grade school, and now from a strange set of circumstances, they are college roommates!! It's nice. They get along so well together.

So, Acadia was great. The following week it was time for them to pack and get ready to move back to their dorms. Another school year is upon us. With them back in school, I have been taking all my extra time getting stuff in order around here. I have cleaned my room (still a work in progress, but it's better than it was), attacked the back yard--chopping down errant trees that have sprouted, bushes that are no longer blooming because they are too "leggy", grape vines that are growing into the neighbor's trees, etc....... That was a 4 day project in itself, and I'm still not done!!! I need to mulch around more flower beds, and Alex has to till Katie's garden under so it's ready for next year. I think they are coming home again in a few weeks, so that's good.

Oh, I almost forgot another huge project that happened this year (Spring into summer as the time permitted). Bobby and Alex chopped down the icky, ugly overgrown "evergreen" bushes that were in front of the house, and I got plants--real plants, not those icky, ugly bushes again--to put there. We'll have a real flower garden in the front again!!! I can't wait til next year! It's going to be beautiful. That project too up more time than it seems on paper. In addition to clearing out those hideous bushes, I bought three yards of good "planter's" dirt from Sprague's nursery. The rocks from around the original "rock garden"/"rock edging" had to all be moved so they could put the dirt that I had bought and had Sprague's dump it in the driveway, all that dirt had to now be transported to its new home in front of the house. After that, the new plants were bought and planted.....and next year we add more plants!!!

I am getting very, very tired now. Earlier, I couldn't sleep because I have so much on my mind, which I hope to be able to take the time write again, so I got up, took two aspirins, and started writing. It's starting to catch up to me now.
Good night.