I'm a lousy pray-er; as opposed to a prayer, which is another noun, but it's not a person-type of noun. I definitely mean pray-er, which might be more of an adverb....no, it's a noun, I think, I just don't know what kind. Anyway, I don't pray very well. I'm not eloquent. Or focused. Definitely not focused. My mind knows what it wants to say, my heart is in it 100%, but my brain is just so random that it always finds things to do while my mind and heart are trying to have a serious conversation with God. Heart/Mind:"Dear God, thank You so much for this beautiful day...." Brain: "Day? Are you thanking Him for just one day, or do you mean plural days? Speaking of days, you have a lot to do to-day! Don't take too long because you know you're hungry. And, why is there a fly in here in the middle of a cold, cold Fall? Speaking of cold, how can everyone complain about global warming when the heat's been on since the middle of summer...." and on it goes. All the while, my heart/mind are trying to corral brain back in, but it's usually a losing battle. So, I have my conversations with God throughout the day, but it's not always as intense or reverent as I'd like or I think He deserves. Every word that comes to my mind (not brain, because that's too scattered) is meant as an offering to Him, started in my heart and sent through my mind.
I envy the people who are so good at praying. They are amazing. I think of their brains as a staid, mature, fearless dog (ha ha, I just made a funny.....dog backwards is God; dog is also the beginning of the word "dogma".....I'm too cute!! ha), while I'm the irrepressible perpetual puppy that can't decide which shoe to eat next!! However, my heart is so full of love for God and all the wonders of His universe, and I'm so, so, so grateful for all He has given me, done for me, with me, through me, and blessed me with, that I'd almost feel ungrateful if I didn't bask in the myriad of everyday blessings. My brain, then, is somehow smarter than my mind since it's bouncing from one lily-pad of joy to another, and my mind/heart is plodding along trying to look mature.
I also don't understand the people who say they will pray for someone.....and do it!!! I mean, I do, but I can't get that "church thing" going where I feel all pious because I'm prayin' for ya, but don't put the heart into it. Would God rather have more lukewarm-everyday-because-I-have-to prayers or less, but very-very-intense-because-I-really-mean-it-right-now prayers? Which one is the most ingenuous? Of course, I'm in the latter category. That's a shock, huh? I put out many short, to the point prayers during the day--for our troops, for my friend's son who is serving in Iraq, for a young man fighting a severe-should-have-been-killed motorcycle accident, for peace of mind about a decision for a friend mine, etc...--and they are all said with sincerity, love, and meaning. Sometimes, I'll get the nudge to pray really hard and a lot for a certain something/one. I heed those nudges because they are important. I believe in prayer with every fiber of my being. But, if I don't pray as often for one thing/person, but everyday for something/one else, does the thing I leave out get put on the back burner by God? Am I shirking my duty as a Christian if I randomly pick what's on the prayer-agenda for the day? How long does a person have to pray about something before it's a moot point?
Which, of course, brings me to another topic........if I pray for God's will to be done, well, doesn't He already know what He wants done? I would think the best thing would be to pray for people to accept His will in everything. Yet, we still say---please let Your will be done, as if that's going to make it easier to accept whatever it may be. It's like we are giving God permission to do what He's already going to do.
Ahhh......the dilemma of the human spirit......
I'm getting very tired now. It's after 1AM and I have a busy day tomorrow.
G'night!!
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