No idea what to say....

I just need to write; I have so many things weighing on my mind right now that I'm not sleeping very well. I just feel like putting random thoughts down--some a big deal, some not.  Sometimes I write because I need to.  It's like someone else feels when they are stressed and need to have that candy bar or drink....the need is there.  Fortunately, I don't drink; unfortunately, I love candy bars. Especially frozen ones.  Oh, goodness, how incredible is a frozen candy bar!!!!!  Or any frozen chocolate!!!  Hershey Kisses, chocolate chips, chocolate covered cookies...the list goes on. However, I'm in my room writing this, where there are no refrigerators and therefore no frozen chocolate. 

Right now, I am to the point of not even knowing what to write. I should make a list of things on my mind, but I don't feel like it.  I don't feel a lot of happiness in my life right now.  It's not a depressed type of non-happiness; rather, it's a trudge-through-every-day-to-pay-the-next-bill sort of lack of happiness.  I don't think I'm gathering enough dust along the way.  I'm plodding along too steadily and steadfastly to gather any dust.  I need to stop and gather dust.  Not a lot...just a little would be fine.  Usually at least once every summer, I've taken a few hours just to sit on the swing out back that is under the grape arbor.  It's been there for years; before that it was at my Aunt Sis's house--both in Maryland and then in Maine--and I can remember sitting on that swing on her porches when I was little, then up here when I was older.  It holds a lot of history and memories for me, and now my children have grown up sitting on the same metal porch swing...starting with my aunt's houses and now in our own yard, under the grapevine.

This summer I didn't sit on it one time....not even for a second.  That's just sad.  I have been so busy...ploddingly busy....for so long that I need to gather some dust.  As I said, it doesn't need to be a  lot.  I guess I'm gathering some dust while I'm writing this, but on the other hand, I'm so tired as I write this that I'm afraid I'll fall asleep. 

I just fell asleep for a few minutes.  I'm sitting in my bed, so it's comfortable, but not nearly as comfy as closing up the laptop, turning out the light, and going to sleep "normally.  Guess I'll try it....Good night!!!