Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!

It's a rainy Thanksgiving Maine day, but it's a great day. Katie and Alex are home til Sunday, we are all healthy, we have a roof over our heads, heat when it's cold, and food waiting to be cooked. Not to mention the 5 pies Katie had made yesterday!

I am very, very blessed with all God has allowed in my life. Most of all, I'm blessed to know Christ as my Savior, as He is for Katie and Alex.

I'm thankful to live in the United States of America, where, so far at least, we have the freedom to achieve whatever goals we choose. God bless our amazing military men and women who are fighting to preserve our way of life, and bless their families who support them.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!

Random thoughts

I'm a lousy pray-er; as opposed to a prayer, which is another noun, but it's not a person-type of noun. I definitely mean pray-er, which might be more of an adverb....no, it's a noun, I think, I just don't know what kind. Anyway, I don't pray very well. I'm not eloquent. Or focused. Definitely not focused. My mind knows what it wants to say, my heart is in it 100%, but my brain is just so random that it always finds things to do while my mind and heart are trying to have a serious conversation with God. Heart/Mind:"Dear God, thank You so much for this beautiful day...." Brain: "Day? Are you thanking Him for just one day, or do you mean plural days? Speaking of days, you have a lot to do to-day! Don't take too long because you know you're hungry. And, why is there a fly in here in the middle of a cold, cold Fall? Speaking of cold, how can everyone complain about global warming when the heat's been on since the middle of summer...." and on it goes. All the while, my heart/mind are trying to corral brain back in, but it's usually a losing battle. So, I have my conversations with God throughout the day, but it's not always as intense or reverent as I'd like or I think He deserves. Every word that comes to my mind (not brain, because that's too scattered) is meant as an offering to Him, started in my heart and sent through my mind.

I envy the people who are so good at praying. They are amazing. I think of their brains as a staid, mature, fearless dog (ha ha, I just made a funny.....dog backwards is God; dog is also the beginning of the word "dogma".....I'm too cute!! ha), while I'm the irrepressible perpetual puppy that can't decide which shoe to eat next!! However, my heart is so full of love for God and all the wonders of His universe, and I'm so, so, so grateful for all He has given me, done for me, with me, through me, and blessed me with, that I'd almost feel ungrateful if I didn't bask in the myriad of everyday blessings. My brain, then, is somehow smarter than my mind since it's bouncing from one lily-pad of joy to another, and my mind/heart is plodding along trying to look mature.

I also don't understand the people who say they will pray for someone.....and do it!!! I mean, I do, but I can't get that "church thing" going where I feel all pious because I'm prayin' for ya, but don't put the heart into it. Would God rather have more lukewarm-everyday-because-I-have-to prayers or less, but very-very-intense-because-I-really-mean-it-right-now prayers? Which one is the most ingenuous? Of course, I'm in the latter category. That's a shock, huh? I put out many short, to the point prayers during the day--for our troops, for my friend's son who is serving in Iraq, for a young man fighting a severe-should-have-been-killed motorcycle accident, for peace of mind about a decision for a friend mine, etc...--and they are all said with sincerity, love, and meaning. Sometimes, I'll get the nudge to pray really hard and a lot for a certain something/one. I heed those nudges because they are important. I believe in prayer with every fiber of my being. But, if I don't pray as often for one thing/person, but everyday for something/one else, does the thing I leave out get put on the back burner by God? Am I shirking my duty as a Christian if I randomly pick what's on the prayer-agenda for the day? How long does a person have to pray about something before it's a moot point?

Which, of course, brings me to another topic........if I pray for God's will to be done, well, doesn't He already know what He wants done? I would think the best thing would be to pray for people to accept His will in everything. Yet, we still say---please let Your will be done, as if that's going to make it easier to accept whatever it may be. It's like we are giving God permission to do what He's already going to do.

Ahhh......the dilemma of the human spirit......

I'm getting very tired now. It's after 1AM and I have a busy day tomorrow.

G'night!!

My Country.....

I am really worried about the direction of America. It has been going downhill for a while, but it seems to be going faster lately. I feel like "we" have abandoned everything America was founded on; the principles, values, and Christian/Judeo morals. Political Correctness has been slowly destroying this Country for the past however many years, but it's getting ridiculous now. Every comment that is uttered has to be mentally checked before it's spoken to make sure it won't offend anyone. Names of mountains and school sports teams are changed because a select few have decided someone might be upset. "Hate crimes" are more punishable if enacted against certain groups as opposed to others (I have always walked under the assumption that if it's a crime, the very nature of it being a crime means that "hate" is inherently involved. But, what do I know....I'm not a politician; I'm just a human).

Time and date....

I see my previous post was dated (Saturday) October 31, even though it was "officially" posted on November 1. So, I'm going to guess here and say it keeps the date of the start of writing, regardless of when it's actually posted. Let's see if this one is dated November 1, since that's the real day, or still October 31 because it's barely after midnight.....

Catchin' up on stuff......

It will be interesting to see what date and time gets stamped on this when I hit "post". As of this moment, it is 11:46 pm, Oct 31. However, we move the clocks back an hour as of 2 am (a few hours from now). AND, I'm never quite sure if this blog's site goes by Eastern Standard Time, Atlantic Time, or what. I thought I had it set to EST, but whenever I post after midnight and I think the date will be the next day's, it's still the original day. Too confusing for me. So, we'll see what date and time it decides to put on here when I'm finished rambling.

Even though I think I lead a very boring life, a lot always seems to happen. I've had a very stressful past few weeks. Some of it's my fault, some not. I know how much of an attitude I can have, but I don't think this time it's all on me. Back in August, there was a change of command in our Maine Wing Civil Air Patrol. Our previous wonderful Commander had served his four year term, so another one was selected. I wasn't crazy about who was chosen, but I had no say in it. I don't dislike the man at all. I think he's very nice and will do a lot of good for the Wing. However, I feel he's a micro-manager and I don't do well with that type of person. He didn't take office until sometime in September because of an issue with another person who had applied for the same position and hadn't been given the chance to truly compete. So, there was another, sort of a tie-breaker, Board convened, and in the end the original "winner" still got the position. (I would have loved to work for the other contender).

For some reason, as soon as he got the position, I knew my time as DCP was going to end. It is the privilege of the incoming commander to pick his new staff. I figured I was gone by the end of September. That time frame came and went, and I was still there, so I thought my job was safe. Nope.....the stress was just beginning, but my prediction was about to come true. He sent an email out to the staff to have a report due for October's staff meeting on plans for the rest of the year. All of my programs don't start until after Christmas/New Year, so I figured I have nothing to report on. In the same email he said in November he expects an in depth report on what's happening for next year; that I could do, so I thought I'd have a month to get everything ready. Well, at October's meeting, all the other departments were going on and on about their plans for the whole year, which isn't unusual since they are more year-round types of departments. It got to me, and I said I don't have anything planned until February so that's the end of my report. He was not happy. He was trying to pull information out of me by saying "but you have things planned" and "what about the NCSAs". Well, I have to say I thought that was pretty stupid; I mean, of course I have things planned, but that's not what he said he wanted until November, and theNational Special Cadet Activities are not even up on the National web site until November 1, so how can I report on something that's not even available??? I could feel the tension between us, and I wasn't helping. I honestly didn't know what he wanted from me. I felt like everyone else was following a script, but I was left out of the loop. And in a way, I guess they were since most of them are business men or have been in some type of command either at the squadron level or in the military. I'm just me.

Then, about a week or so later, he sends me an email that he had decided to have a cadet leadership training course here and he wants me to head it up. Not please, could you, or how about.....but you will. Excuse me? I will? Really? But, since I've wanted to direct another one anyway, I put his rudeness aside and start making plans. Since I'm in charge--or, heading it up--I decide that it will be at the Region level so we can attract more people and make it worthwhile to have it AND benefit other Wings. I start getting contact information for Hanscom AFB to get the dates set. Nope. He wants it in Maine. AND it has to be in March. But, I'm getting the Wing Cadet Comp for March, plus the Wing Conference is in March. Doesn't matter. He has a plan for when trainings will be held, and I'm to "make it work". This is all not setting too well with me at all, and I'm starting to feel like I'm selling myself just to keep my job, as unpaid as it is, as DCP. He has also informed me that he "will" have a concurrent NCO Academy with the Airman Academy. When I tried to explain that we only have 136 cadets in the Wing, and less than half of them are active, so I'd be taking cadet officers away from the AA, he said his philosophy is "if you present it, they will attend". As much as I tried to make him understand that I've been doing this job for a while, and we just don't have that many cadets to do everything, he thinks I'm wrong. He wants Maine Wing to be a "premier learning center". His answer to me when I asked him if I could ask a question about why he was so adamant about all this was "you can ask, but my answer will still be the same". That's not someone who is open to dialogue. I can't work like that. My answer to him was "I'll try", but I didn't want to promise him something and have to say I failed. I was going to try my best, but he wanted a commitment that I would do things his way no matter what. I only want to do what's in the best interest of the cadets, and taking resources from one program to shift to another--which, by the way is available at the Region level at the Cadet Academy, but he didn't care about that--was ridiculous. So, I had to say "I'm on board" (his words, not mine). Then, he said he needed dates for different things I had planned, but I didn't have the dates nailed down because I only had a few days to get him dates, and when I sent him the dates that I "plugged in", he didn't like it because I hadn't "secured the venues" (again, his words, not mine). Explaining to him that I only had a few days to get the dates to him and I had emails out to people about "securing the venues", well, he didn't like that answer either. Of course, he called me twice during this two week ordeal-of-stress, but life being what it is, there wasn't a lot of time conducive to calling him back. I didn't feel like having a stressful conversation at midnight and then trying to sleep after that, and on two consecutive weekends I had to make trips to Farmington for Katie and Alex, and I don't think driving and talking about stressful things is a good idea.

So, last Sunday I woke up to an email saying I had been removed as DCP, and an immediate follow up email with the information that I am now Director of Special Activities. I was crying hysterically, sobbing, hyperventilating....etc. Not a good way to start the morning before church. I called my friend who is the Chief of Staff and told her what happened. She knew because he had already called her; he had also called me right before, but had to leave a message as I was getting ready for church and didn't hear the phone. She kept saying to calm down, it will be ok, I'm still in Cadet Programs, just not in the same job.....etc. As a Christian, she said for me to go to church, don't worry about it right now, listen to the message, and let God take over. Between sniffles, I agreed she was right, and that I should send him an email that I still want to discuss it when I get home. So, I sent the email, went to church, and really listened. The Missions Pastor was talking about the Prodigal Son story, but he put a different perspective on it. The elder son was supposed to take care of everything when the younger son returned home; it wasn't the father's job to do that. Since the elder son wasn't happy about the younger son taking the money, being a pig, on and on, he went against tradition and didn't do anything for the son, thereby making the father look bad because he had to plan everything and host the party in his elder son's place. The elder son thought things wouldn't happen if he wasn't there to do his duty, but the father made them happen anyway. So, we shouldn't have the elder son's attitude when we have been in a position, anywhere, for a while. We are never that important that things can't happen without us. Pastor Chris Gnanekan said we should never have an "elder's attitude".

I thought that was a great message, and it really hit my heart. I've always said I wasn't that important that Cadet Programs couldn't run without me; a trained monkey can do what I'm doing. But, I wanted it to be on my time frame, not someone else's. So, I was actually being an "elder", but in a different way. I had to change my heart-attitude. That message helped tremendously when I spoke with him that afternoon. It was still hard, but it went ok. My main concern was who he was going to put in there to replace me. I had a feeling from back in August of who it might be, but then that person took another position at Wing, and I didn't think they could have two positions. Apparently they can, because she was asked. When I talked to him that day, he said he didn't know who he was going to put in there, but he had everyone's record who had a rating in Cadet Programs, and it might take him a while before he found someone. Within two hours there was an announcement on the list serve that the position had been filled. I'm stupid, but I'm not that stupid......there was some behind the scenes stuff going on. Which, is within his right to do what he wants. However, I wish he'd have done this back in September. Just be honest with me and replace me; don't put me through tests to see if I can live up to your expectations. I'm not good at tests, and I'm really not good when I get an attitude. I really, really like who he put in there as DCP; I just don't like the disingenuous way he did it. It was disrespectful to me.

However, the new DCP is going to be fine. She and I met for a surprising three hours Monday morning and discussed the goals, how she does things, what she needs to know, etc. I will not mind working with her at all. And, if the wing commander keeps deciding that he wants to take Cadet Programs in too much of a different direction than I'm comfortable with, I'll just step down from Wing altogether and go back to just the squadron level. I have been appointed Public Affairs Officer in the squadron, so I'm really excited about that. I know I'll have something to do there, so I won't miss being at Wing if I just can't agree with the commander. We'll see what happens. At least I'm "handing it off" (even thought it's not by choice) to a person I can respect as DCP. I hope all these accolades don't blow up in my face!! ha ha When I took over as DCP 2 1/2 years ago, I had no real on-the-job training; he was there if I needed to call him, but it's not like I was able to be Co-DCP and learn directly from him; I learned tons and tons by trial and lots of error. But, I feel good about the job I did, all things considered. I kept the Cadet Program afloat, the cadets never lost anything; they still had Airman Academy, Encampment, etc. I was able to conduct the last Encampment in the state, then they following two were at the Region level, of which I was a part of helping to start. I'm still on the staff for the Region Academy/Encampment and the Region Cadet Competition. With our ever-shrinking cadet population (as it is in every other state), I did all that I could. I could have done more, I guess, but I don't really have that take-charge personality to get it done; I'm more of a laid back, it will happen type. Not always a good thing, but it generally works for me. I think I did well with the limited cadet resources and very limited Senior Member support I had. I don't regret anything; I loved my position, but now it's time for someone else to take over, and I'm fine with that.

We'll see how it goes.
al
I've been writing for an hour and a half. If I stay awake for another half hour, I'll see the time change. I'm not too exhausted since I fell asleep on the couch for a half hour earlier. A really deep sleep, too. I've not been sleeping too well at night lately. I think my stress level is getting up there. I think I'm stuck in a rut and I don't know what to do about it. I absolutely have to find another job, but I need one that is flexible enough to allow me to take off when needed. With Katie and Alex not driving (kind of dangerous when you're legally blind!!!), and also my mother not being physically able to drive, it al falls on me. I don't mind most of the time, but sometimes it gets to be a lot. I'm not AT ALL talking about the "kids"; they are so easy to schedule things around, and if they are home and have to go someplace, they either walk, take the city bus, or get their friend Bobby to do it. It's scheduling my mother's doctor's appointments, etc that get to be too much. I can't even begin to think of how often she has had me (!!!) reschedule an appointment because she's "too weak/tired/pick one" to make it. She gets up and takes a shower, and she's back for another 2 hour nap. She has crippling arthritis and fybro myalgia, so I know she gets tired so easily, but it's still irritating when I re-arrange my schedule to get her someplace and she says she can't make it. I understand intellectually, but it still grates on my nerves. I think I've been around it too long, without a break. That's one of the reasons I love it when Katie comes home. She takes some of the burden off me. Even though she can't drive her around, she's there to sit and talk to her, to discuss cooking, sewing, etc. Also, my mother is very negative. She doesn't see it in herself, but it drives me absolutely crazy. Very rarely does she have a positive comment to say about things, but the negative pops up first. "I hate that dress on that girl" (tv, for example); "why do people talk like that these days" (referring to changes in the vocabulary or pronunciation--"garden" with emphasis on the "d" instead of almost silent); my hair used to be a popular topic, but I got it dyed about two months ago, so that fun is taken from her; she has finally let off the subject of my weight, thank goodness; if a kid is a rather ugly kid in a picture, that's the first comment---always. Wow, that kid is ugly. Not, oh the dress is adorable, but the kid is ugly. Nope. The ugly comes first, then a comment on the cute dress.....'the cute dress can't even make her look better'.

When I point it out to her, she gets all defensive and says she's "only making a comment". After all, she's in this house 24 hours a day, all. the. time. Yes, emphasis on all. the. time. Makes it sound like I have her stuck in here. Under "house arrest" (her words, not mine). Part of her problem is that she's usually in such pain that she's awake til maybe 5 AM, then once she gets to sleep she doesn't get up until very late afternoon, by which time I'm just getting home and am exhausted and don't want to take her anywhere. But, I will if she needs/wants to.

Only 10 minutes before it's 2AM. I'm starting to get sooooooooooo sleepy. Hope I can hang on til then just to see what happens. Maybe I have to re-start my computer for it to take effect. Or, it might do it even while running, like my cell phone. I'm not feeling like I just gained an hour; I can't stop yawning. I hope once I get into bed this time that I'll fall right to sleep instead of tossing and turning. Six more minutes. How can they just crawl like that?????(the minutes)

Oh, that's right....back to the job-ramble. I need a flexible job that I can do at home. Unless I can pick up at least three more houses a week, which would be great. My houses I can always re-arrange when I need to do something. I'd love an on line job or something to do with writing. I should write articles for the newspaper, or Weekly, or something like that.

One more minute!!!!! We need a drum-roll here....1:59 and counting.......and counting.......and waiting........1:00!!!!!!! Hey.....it turned from 1:59 to 1:00!!!! That was interesting. So, now that it's "only" 1 am instead of 2 am, I think I'm supposed to be less sleepy....waiting.....waiting.....nope, still just as tired as I was "an hour" ago.

Think I'll get some sleep now. Good night/morning/whatever.

No title....just thoughts

It's Halloween!!!!!! Boo! So, that's out of the way now. I've never been all that crazy about this day. I used to like it when I was a kid, of course, because it meant free candy and dressing up. When Katie and Alex were really little, I liked it for the same reason, only I got to be the one dressing up the kids. Once they started getting older--by age 10 or before--I started not to like it. I started to see it through a different perspective, and it felt like we were out there begging. I know, it seems stupid. But, I wanted to put another spin on it, and start giving to others instead. One or two years we went out and collected canned goods for the soup kitchen; instead of asking for candy, we asked for others to have a meal. It felt really good, and I think the kids were happy, too. Then, Katie and Alex were getting old enough that they didn't want to dress up anymore anyway, so we just stopped doing anything.

Katie and Alex are now in college at UMFarmington, and around Halloween there are grade school kids who come through the dorms trick or treating. Katie loves it. She and her roommate dress up for the kids and they hand out candy. Alex, of course, leaves his light off so he won't be bothered!! ha I'm not sure who organizes the parade of kids going through; Farmington is famous as a Teacher's College, so I think some of the student teachers there bring their classes. I'm not really sure, but Katie has enjoyed it every year. "Oh, Mom, they're soooooo cute!!!" No, Katie, you are cute!!!!

Gotta go feed the dogs.

Amazing

I don't have a lot of time to write at the moment, but I have a very important point to make right now. Well, more of an observation, but still very important.

How in the world do people go through a day, let alone their whole lives, without knowing that God is right there? I honestly could not make it through one day without relying on Christ.

It would be a sad, lonely, miserable existence without Him always there.

Thank you, God, for sending Your Son to be my Savior, and for giving me the common sense of accepting Him. I'd be nothing without You.

I love You; I'm Yours.

Has it really been since June since I've written???? Wow. Every time I want to write something, there is always something else to do, something else that needs to come first, something else to take care of before I give myself the luxury of writing. Why do I do that to myself? I love to write. It's very calming to me, and helps me to sort out my crazy, sometimes stressed world.

Well, let's get caught up on what's been happening. Everyone came home safe and sound from Honduras. When I picked Katie up from the church, she desperately needed some "American" food, so we went to Denny's and she had a "junkie breakfast", topped off with a bowl of fruit with whipped cream. Then we went home and she was able to get some sleep while I washed all of her clothes so she could spend the next day packing to get ready to go to my cousin Sandy's house in North Carolina for 2 weeks. She took the Concord Trailways bus down to Boston, where Sandy's cousin lives, celebrated the 4th of July by watching fireworks from Dolly's porch overlooking the Boston Harbor, then they both flew out from Logan the next day to start their two weeks with Sandy. When Katie came home, she was only home for a few days before Alex and I left for our annual Civil Air Patrol Encampment at Otis Air Force Base,on Cape Cod.

However, a few days before she came home, therefore a few days before we left (everything really overlapped this summer), Sandy's son Nick and his wife Rebecca came up for a 2 1/2 day visit since they were visiting Becky's family in Vermont and wanted to show us the newest addition to their family....twin boys!! So, now they have five children under the age of 6, two of them twin boys a few months old!! It was quite "lively" around here for a few days.We also couldn't mention that Katie was in North Carolina visiting their grandmother while they were up here because they would have wanted to go right home so they could see her! In the middle of all this, though, I'm dealing with tons and tons of last minute packing for both Alex and me, phone calls like crazy trying to arrange transportation for my Maine Wing cadets, emails and list serves to attend to, plus trying to have a nice visit. It was quite a busy time, for lack of a better word. I loved seeing them, and seeing the kids, but it was a really bad time for me and I feel like I wasn't able to give them the time they needed. Because I am the Encampment Public Affairs Officer, and this year Alex was my assistant, we had to practically bring a whole office with us. Paper, computers (my laptop and his desktop), two printers, about 10 boxes (no kidding) of miscellaneous PAO/office stuff, and more boxes of random things like straws, coffee cups, the sugar and coffee, bandannas, sewing kit and sewing machine, and iron, Wrinkle Release (trademark logo here?)......you name it, I probably had it with me. Not forgetting, of course, our uniforms, and suitcases with clothes and extra uniforms for the 10 days.

Since I am the Director of Cadet Programs for Maine Wing, in addition to 'just' making sure I had everything I needed, I also had to make sure all of my Wing cadets had transportation down there, secure drivers for the Wing vans, figure out which vans were going to be able to stay with us for the duration, and which one had to come back to Maine. I also had to make sure everyone had paid, if they were going to pay once they got down there, or if a squadron was paying for them. In addition, I had to get all names to my drivers since I would already have been down there for 2 days with the adult and cadet staff before my other drivers arrived with the basics. Along with all this, I was trying to put together a surprise video to commemorate Col Treadwell's 20 year of sacrificing so the cadets could have an Encampment, plus all the millions of other things he's done for the cadets of this Wing (and now the Region). That would have been done back in the Spring, as I had planned it, but my computer kept crashing, Movie Maker took forever because it didn't have enough.....whatever it needed, and even trying to scan in old pictures of him that I confiscated right from under his nose (I'm sneaky!! And I had help from his wife and daughter) took forever. By the time I got my new, wonderful, beautiful, FAST computer in June, I barely had time to get used to it when it was time to go to Encampment. This meant that the entire video would have to be made at Encampment, with Col T's office right across the hall, and a newsletter to get out everyday, plus being present to take all the pictures needed for the slideshow we present each year at the end of Encampment for the cadets.

But, both slideshows got finished, I was able to buy a beautiful Eagle trophy and have it delivered there without him knowing, and a perfect newsletter was printed every day. One of the other Senior Members on staff, Lt Abby Renzullo, was invaluable in putting together the slideshow for the cadets....she's amazing. And, Col Prouty was my "spy" in getting the Eagle trophy for me, giving me the name of the trophy place he uses down there, and smuggling the trophy onto the base without Col T knowing about till the presentation at graduation.

Even with all the pressures, Encampment is so much fun. In a very strange way, it's relaxing. Other people might not understand why, but anyone who has been involved with one knows exactly what I'm talking about. To me, it's a very organized vacation away from my life at home. I still wait on people, in a way, but it's making sure the cadets are where they are supposed to be at a certain time, the newsletter gets printed, pictures get taken (by me!!!!!), breakfast lunch and dinner are always at the same time, and I am not constantly asked, "What do you want for dinner?" My sole focus while I'm there is helping to ensure the activity runs smoothly, things are produced on time, and to help where ever I'm needed. I don't get to bed til 1 or 2 in the morning, I'm up again between 5 and 6 AM, and I'm happy. It's great.

With Alex as my PAO, this year we had a blog so the parents/friends/cadets-who-didn't-attend could read it. He wrote it everyday, in addition to writing all the newsletter articles, so it was wonderful to have that extra time being able to devote to getting just the right picture in the newsletter AND so I could have that extra, valuable time to work on Col T's slideshow.

Oh, what an incredibly organized chaotic two weeks of my life. And, I love it more every year.

However, I was so glad to get home to spend some time with Katie!!!! Since she left for her "surprise trip to Honduras" on June 20, I had only seen her a grand total of maybe five days. Not nearly enough. Even though there was nothing "official" planned for August, the three of us never seemed to be in one spot at the same time to do something fun. Alex had been gone most of June and July helping his friend Bobby & Family move into and remodel their "new-to-them" house. It needed some major renovating, and Alex's strength and work ethic are very much appreciated. Once we got back from Encampment, he went back to helping over there (a few blocks over from us), plus he and Bobby started on a project for me---putting a railing up on the deck. It used to go right out to a huge above ground pool, but as Katie and Alex got older, they were busy doing other things besides swimming so after a year of non-use, by mutual decision we got rid of it. We only had it a few years, but it was well used in that time. So, the one end of the deck hasn't had a railing for like 5 years, but the house insurance company saw that on one of their random checks, and they "dinged" us for it. The fall from the deck to the ground is only about 5 or so feet, we don't have any little kids running around, and my dogs are smart enough to know not to step out into thin air, yet we have to put a railing up for non-existent dumb visitors who wouldn't know enough to think, "oh, wait, I shouldn't get too close to the edge since there's no railing there!!!" We've had tons of people in all shapes and ages on that deck, and we haven't lost one yet!!

It rained so much this summer!! Katie had planted a small garden, but some of it just didn't want to grow because it was sooooooo wet. Alex and Bobby did the best they could on the railing, but even so it didn't really get finished til this past weekend when my kids came home from college and they were able to get it done. It looks very nice. Great work for two young men who had never built anything like this before. I had told them in general what I wanted, and they took that information and built something very nice.

Between the rain, being busy, and Katie's and Alex's individual plans, August was still not our month to be together. Finally, the last Sunday in August we went to Acadia National Park to see the waves caused by Hurricane Bill. They were gorgeous and I got some great pictures. We took Katie's friend, Elizabeth, with us. She and Katie have been friends since grade school, and now from a strange set of circumstances, they are college roommates!! It's nice. They get along so well together.

So, Acadia was great. The following week it was time for them to pack and get ready to move back to their dorms. Another school year is upon us. With them back in school, I have been taking all my extra time getting stuff in order around here. I have cleaned my room (still a work in progress, but it's better than it was), attacked the back yard--chopping down errant trees that have sprouted, bushes that are no longer blooming because they are too "leggy", grape vines that are growing into the neighbor's trees, etc....... That was a 4 day project in itself, and I'm still not done!!! I need to mulch around more flower beds, and Alex has to till Katie's garden under so it's ready for next year. I think they are coming home again in a few weeks, so that's good.

Oh, I almost forgot another huge project that happened this year (Spring into summer as the time permitted). Bobby and Alex chopped down the icky, ugly overgrown "evergreen" bushes that were in front of the house, and I got plants--real plants, not those icky, ugly bushes again--to put there. We'll have a real flower garden in the front again!!! I can't wait til next year! It's going to be beautiful. That project too up more time than it seems on paper. In addition to clearing out those hideous bushes, I bought three yards of good "planter's" dirt from Sprague's nursery. The rocks from around the original "rock garden"/"rock edging" had to all be moved so they could put the dirt that I had bought and had Sprague's dump it in the driveway, all that dirt had to now be transported to its new home in front of the house. After that, the new plants were bought and planted.....and next year we add more plants!!!

I am getting very, very tired now. Earlier, I couldn't sleep because I have so much on my mind, which I hope to be able to take the time write again, so I got up, took two aspirins, and started writing. It's starting to catch up to me now.
Good night.

Ahhhh....things are settling down

There was an email update from Renee again this morning. Things are back to "normal" and they continued on the houses and medical clinic down there. Thank goodness. So, really, there was only one "down" day, and that was the day they had planned to not work anyway. Usually on the Sunday they are down there, it's church in the morning, then the rest of the day shopping at "Valley of the Angels" (don't even ask me what the Spanish name is!!). Being able to get back to work today is such a good thing. God is so, so good. I love Him being in charge. I know I'd mess up so much if I were in charge instead of Him!!!!!

Bruce Wiersma, a deacon at All Souls, is a professor at UMO, and he has a friend in Honduras, also a professor, at a university down there. Bruce had emailed his friend, Alex, Sunday to see the situation down there. Alex replied today, which Bruce forwarded to all of us, and he said it's fine down there. There is no rioting, no mobs, etc. It was a "peaceful" politcal coup, as opposed to an angry, military-type coup. The president they ousted was a communist, and was aligning himself with Chavez, Castro, etc, and wanted to be a dictator instead of a benovolent president. So, they got rid of him and packed him off to Costa Rica. According to Alex, when the sitting president is not fit to govern, they send him off, and the president of the Congress is appointed president to fulfill the rest of the president's term until a new one is elected at that time. Interesting.

Looks like things are getting back to normal there, both politcally and mission-trip wise. I feel very calm about it all right now. Ahhhhh.....the power of prayer!!!

Onto another topic: I got a phone call from my cousin Terra out in Indiana!!!! She was on her way home from work and decided to give me a call. I was so pleased!!! I absolutely adore her. We are so, so, so much alike!! It was so nice talking to her. She's going to try and figure out when she can come out for a visit, but her vacation time might not work out this year. I hope it does, but I don't want her to feel pressured, either. I'd love to have some time to hang out with her, show her around our beautiful state, and just have girl-fun!!!!!! We'll see what happens. I hope it's soon, but I understand if she has to wait. Ohhh,,,,sad face here.

Hopefully, we won't hear from anyone down in Honduras til they are on their way home.

More on Honduras

All is well so far in Honduras....at least as far as the ASSIST-JC team goes. The whole country down there seems to be at a standstill, too, as far as the politics go. I went to the update/prayer meeting for the Travelers tonight at All Souls. It looked like all the families of the travelers were there, along with others who wanted to be a part of it. That's good....the more prayers the better. Rev Bob Carlson led the service, since he's the interim pastor with Rev Haddix being in Honduras.

Rev Carlson said that this morning he was waiting in Darcel's office (church secretary) til it was time for him to make his way to the meeting house ("church-part" of the building), when her phone started ringing...and ringing...and ringing....Well, he didn't want to answer it since it wasn't his phone, but just as the answering machine started to come on, something made him answer it anyway. "Hello; All Souls Church". Other voice: "Who IS this??" "Um, it's Rev Carlson. I'm filling in for Rev Haddix." Other voice: "Bob?????!!!!! It's Renee....I'm calling from Honduras. We're having a little situation down here I need to let you know about...." and with that, she proceeded to explain what little they knew about what was happening down there, including hearing three jets going over the Camp this morning on the way to the capital (Tegucigalpa). (Alex's first reaction to all this was,"The first time I don't go on one of these trips, and it gets exciting!! I'd love to be there!) Then she put Rev Haddix on the phone, they talked some more, then they had to go. It was only a few minute conversation, but a lot of information packed into it. When he went in to give the sermon, he told the congregation about it. (I didn't go to church this morning because I'm getting a cold and I felt lousy--sneezing on people is not a good thing-- so I stayed home and listened to the sermon from Bangor Baptist church)

However, knowing what was happening down there then going into the service, it gave him enough time to formulate some plans in his head. After the service was over this morning, he got on the phone to a friend of his who works in Sen Susan Collins' office, who then got in touch with her "personal" secretary/aid/worker/whatever in the Bangor Office, Carol Woodcock. Carol then got in touch with Susan Collins and let her know what was happening, then Sen. Collins called Rev Carlson for more details, then made contacts at the State Department and the US Embassy in Honduras. So, now all of our Senators and Reps in DC know what's happening, and they/Collins have every traveler's passport numbers and information. So, if they have to go to the Embassy down there, they are all set. In between times, though, we've had an email update from Renee saying everything is fine, and don't worry.

The service tonight was really nice. Tons of prayer, of course, and the recounting of the above story/timeline of events, some slow hymns (hey, it's a Congregational church...'nough said. I, however, think most events call for some Jars of Clay or Toby Mac, or at the very slowest some Third Day or Chris Tomlin, but I'm not asked my opinion on that!! ha--Just kidding, sort of, Renee, if you ever read this!!), then the Deacons got up and read the names of the Travelers. Each Deacon had about 5 or 6 names to read, til they got through all 60-some. I thought it was 70-some, but I learned tonight there were "only" 60-some travelers. Of course, there's another church from Rhode Island or somewhere with about 20-30 people, and the three friends from Maryland who are friends of Dr. Tom Openshaw. So, altogether there are almost 100 mission workers at the Mission Discovery Camp.

It was nice being with the family and friends of Katie's fellow travelers, and knowing we were all there for the same reason....to reach out to God to keep them safe. After the service, we all went down into the vestry to have coffee, tea, and cookies and talk with others. There's not too much to say about that, since what can you say to each other except hug them and talk about how nervous the kids must be down there, etc. Well, I doubt if my "kid" is nervous. And I think she's certain of the fact that I'm not up here drowning in worry. God is with her and them; the group of people she's with are exemplary; and I would bet she's doing all she can to make others comfortable. I hope any "first traveler" who is nervous will seek her out. She's such a calming person. She has a wonderful way of getting a person to stay focused and not dwell on the negative. I'm so proud of her. I love you, Katie!!!!!!!!!!!

A huge prayer of mine has been for God to take this "down-time" and use it to His glory. Especially since there is another group from a vastly different religion from Congregational. I hope this will force the teens to interact with each other in a way that would otherwise not have been possible, and see that just because the religion is different, the faith is the same. Well, basically. However, even people in the same religion have varying degrees of faith. That's why it's called your walk of faith. Everyone is at a different step at different times in life. But, we are all pointed toward the same God, and the same Truth to get to Heaven---His Son, Jesus.

I would hope that the medical clinic can still be conducted within the Camp. I know the houses might have to be put on hold, but maybe at least one aspect of the trip could still be realized. A second email came in from Renee while we were at the prayer meeting, and she said that everyone is still fine; keeping busy by singing, painting toe nails, taking crazy pics, making beads, etc. Also, the Embassy has let them know that they are aware they are at the Camp, and they are safe where they are. The airport is still operating under "normal" circumstances--no interruptions. The biggest worry of the travelers is worrying about us worrying about them!!! I wish I could send Renee an email to let her know we all are fine, too (well, except for some parents who aren't too happy right about now.), and to give all down there a hug from us up here. However, if everyone sent an email, it would take forever for her page to load, because I'm sure they are NOT running on wireless/broadband down there in the jungles of Honduras!!! There is one Point of Contact (POC) from the church, and that's Kathie Robie. I'm sure she's sending emails with what's necessary in them.

Wednesday morning they leave the Camp and go to Tegucigalpa to the airport to head home. Depending on what's happening, they might be headed to the Embassy. Hey, I just remembered that Ellen and Jim Tobin are there, too, and they have tons and tons of contacts in DC, since Jim was heavily involved in the Republican Party. He's not a politician--he's too nice and honest--but he's more of a campaigner. Anyway, that's good to know, too, and he knows a lot of people (Sen Collins, etc) personally. He even knew President George Bush!!! Now, if Bush were still in Office, I'd feel better.

So, it's getting very late (12:55, after midnight). I'm so tired, but with this stupid cold I can't sleep right. I'm going to get some Zicam from the store to help me feel better faster. I'll update again if I hear anything interesting.

Honduras Update.....

Wow. The president of Honduras has been arrested. It happened right in the capital city of Tegucigalpa, which is where the group from All Souls flies into. Kathie Robie, one of the ladies at church (and wife and mother of two of the travelers) sent out an email update that all (over 70 members from All Souls) are to stay at the Camp (where Mission Discovery's headquarters are). The Camp is well away from Teg. (I'm not trying to spell that again!!), but just as a safety precaution, they are not to go anywhere. I believe this is the third coup in about 20 years or something like that. Of course, they'd have to have a coup while people are down there trying to help. They could have waited two more weeks!!!

A few minutes ago, Kathie called me (she's trying to call everyone in case they didn't get the email. I said it's too much for her, and everyone should check their email when their kids/spouses are gone). Anyway, Kathie said Senator Susan Collins' office has been notified of who's down there, and all the information. Kathie wasn't sure why she needed it, but I told her that if anything happens, then I would imagine that all our group would go to the Embassy down there for safe keeping. She said my calmness made her feel better. I'm glad I could help her. She's such a wonderful lady.

What irritates me most of all is that because of this coup, all work has to stop; people down there depend on the medical clinic they/we provide, and there were at least three houses being built. Ugh!!! I hate that work is stopped because of this.

Prayer, prayer, prayer. I sent an email to Dr. Jerry Mick, my pastor at Bangor Baptist, to apprise him of what's going on, and for lots of prayer. There is a prayer meeting/update tonight at All Souls church at 7pm.

I wanted Katie to have an adventure down there, but I didn't think it would involve shooting and a coup!!! What a story she will have when she gets home!! I've been following this on Fox News, and from what I can tell, there was some shooting involved when the president was "overthrown", but I don't think anyone was hurt. So, it could have been a shot fired, someone heard it, but it didn't hit anyone. Also, the president (or is he now the ex-president?) has been whisked away to some unkown destination. If it's a relatively "peaceful" coup, all could be fine very soon. However, the Cuban Stupid President Castro and the Venezuelean Stupid President Chavez are behind this ousted leader, so I don't know what's happening with all that politically. The Two Stupids are communist, of course, so we shall see where this leads.

The people on the ASSIST-JC Team are wonderful. (All Souls Students in Service to Jesus Christ) Most of them have been on the mission trips together for years. The biggest changes are the students; usually after one Honduras trip, they don't go back. Sometimes they go just to put it on their college resume, and sometimes they don't go back because they didn't like the conditions down there. However, the students who go back year after year are the most dedicated ones, and they along with the adults make up an extraordinary group of people. Everyone knows everyone else, and they are there as a group, not just individuals going together. That's why, if you are a student and you plan to go to Honduras, you have to go the previous year to the Eastport mission trip. That way, you get to know your fellow travelers while still in Maine, and you get to see what it's like to really work hard with others. Katie knows all the adults going on this trip, and since she is 22, a college studen, and technically an adult, she counts as one this year instead of "just a student" or a "teenager". Also, they all love her and know her visual limitations, so I know she's in good hands with them.

Wouldn't it be fun if they were all airlifted back Home on military planes????? As long as they are safe, I'm happy.

Keep praying!!!!!!

Questions I hate to answer.....

There are certain questions I hate to answer. Not because I don't know the answer, but because the answer I want to give will invariably be the least expected response that "real people" expect to hear. The "certain questions" I am referring to are the ones centered around how I feel about something. Which, in turn, usually means it's going to be a question that's totally obvious. Hmmmm....let me think for a moment to see if I can come up with an example. Oh, I know--I'll use a question asked of me tonight. One of the parents of a cadet in the squadron asked me, with deep, deep concern and sympathy in her voice, "How are you holding up with Katie gone? Do you miss her? Is it hard without her home?" Arrrgh!!!!

I realize this is three questions rolled into one, and only one of those statements is the exact quote, but I honestly can't tell you which one it is, because all three of those constitute one dumb question (explanation to follow). I also know that this particular parent has never, ever let her one and only child out of her sight his entire life--all 15 years of it--so her dependence on her child is driving this inane question, but, still.........I also know this/these are asked in the spirit of "motherly camaraderie", which I usually don't mind, but knowing this particular parent has never, except for four days this past spring for Airman Academy, let him out of her sight, well.....I just wasn't in the mood for an "un-understanding" person asking me a question like that.

Here's the thing.....I have one of two ways to handle this. "It's hard, but I think I can manage to not cry for about 5 minutes at a time, so I'm improving. And, checking off the days one by one by one by one.....That gives me something to look forward to, and helps keep my otherwise empty brain from getting the best of me so I don't go crazy with how much I miss her. But, I can be strong so the world doesn't see me falling apart while I'm smiling on the outside, but just wasting away to nothing on the inside...."

The second answer is a whole lot easier, but not understood by most "sane" parents. "I'm fine. Why? Am I supposed to miss her?"

Personally, I prefer the second answer. It's to the point, and also asks another question to the initial asker. The second answer, of course, is not totally accurate, either, but it's still the better choice of the two. I'll just say this right here, so people will understand...."I ALWAYS miss Katie and Alex when they go away to somewhere. I don't care if it's back to college, or away on a trip. I ALWAYS MISS THEM. I LOVE THEM...AND I MISS THEM. There, now that that's out of the way....

How can a child go away and NOT be missed?? So, yes, I miss them.
How can a child go away and I don't learn how to cope? Of course I'm coping.
How hard can it be with her gone??? She's gone 7 months of the year to attend college. I think I've learned a few coping skills over the years.

I miss Katie and Alex dreadfully when they go anywhere. They are icredible young adults/children who are fun to be around, smart, delightful, and caring. I love sitting around the table talking, or with all of us on our repsective laptops/Braillenotes, while listening to either Focus on the Family radio programs (Adventures in Odyssey, etc) or the Kim Komando radio call-in show for help with all the computer questions. I love where discussions lead us.

However, I have learned to cope with them not being there because they are such wonderful, intelligent, independent people I've ever known. I respect that immensely. I know that my ability to cope with them being gone has an immense impact on how well they will do in college, or wherever it is that I won't be there to hold their hand. If they don't have to worry about me being a wreck, then they can concentrate on what they have to do.

It's all a mind-set thing. My heart always misses them. However, my mind knows it's not good to give into the disappointment of them being gone. So, I find things to keep my mind occupied. I think of what can be accompished with no one else here. It's a sad fact of life that we have to get used to our kids moving up and away, but that's why the children are born in the first place. I've always said that I had "individual people", not just "babies". Babies means that they will stay young; young adults means that they will grow up to be independent, functioning citizens of the USA.

So, of course I miss Katie when she's gone. Of course I miss Alex when he's gone. But, how else will they become adults if they aren't "allowed" to make some mistakes whie in the comfort and safety of their own home????? I cope with missing either of them just how I cope with everything else..I learn to deal with it, know that it's my job to miss them, and it's their job to grow up and away from me. Anyway, what kind of lousy parent would I be if I made them feel guilty for growing up just because I wanted them to "keep me company". I miss my kids like crazy when they are not here. But, the reality of life is that they get older, move out, and have an incredibly fun and exciting time of doing so!!! I can enjoy what they do because when they tell me all about their "exploits", they know I will share their enthusiam for it, not belittle the fun and excitement.

Now, to loop all these explantions back to the original statement..........this is Katie's fourth time traveling to Honduars with the church, so when this parent asked me if I missed Katie, it must be hard, etc.....I just looked at her and said, "well, it's her fourth time, so, I don't really think about it.

As I said, I hate certain questions. If you want an honest answer, come to me. If you want something sugar-coated, see someone else.

I love you, Katie-girl, and I'm praying for you everyday. Enjoy the wild roller-coaster ride to accomplishing all of your dreams. I'm right here cheering you and Alex on. Hugs and kisses!!!!!! Mom.

Katie's going to Honduras...again.

This has been a whirlwind two days!!! Katie and I have been getting her ready to go to Honduras with the All Souls Church ASSIST-JC Team's mission trip to Honduras---leaving Monday night!! She wasn't planning to go since we couldn't afford the over $1,000 it would cost, but at the last minute, a member had to back out due to health reasons (doctor wouldn't clear the teen to go, but I have no idea why the decision came so last minute), so Rev (Mrs) Garrett called me 9:30 Friday morning to ask me if Katie would be interested in taking the person's place. No charge for us, since it was already paid. Of course, Mrs Garrett was waiting for the final OK from the original family, so she'd let me know by the afternoon if they were fine with it. Then she said she didn't want to get Katie's hopes up by telling her before she was sure, but she also had to know if Katie had other plans for the week.

Two questions came to my mind, just because I tend to think like this: 1) Why would the other family care is someone took the teen's place, since at this late stage of the planning, there is no refund, and 2) Why was Mrs Garrett calling ME when Katie is 22 years old and can get her hopes up or down, accordingly?? Mrs. Garrett is absolutely the cutest person in this whole world. I dearly love, love, love her and have told her that I want Katie to be like her when Katie grows up. Geez, I want to be like her!!! I totaly love the way the adults in that church love and cherish Katie.

I'm sure there is a step I missed somewhere along that first conversation about returning or changing the tickets; and, of course, since I'm me and this is just how I think---as soon as I hung up with Mrs. Garrett, I went right into Katie's room and told her my conversation with Renee, and "I'm not supposed to be telling you this in case it doesn't work out, but get your passport out, and let's start praying for God to decide...."

About 15 minutes later, Renee calls back, the parents are fine with Katie taking the ticket. Now the fun begins. Thankfully, this will be her fourth trip down there, so I still have most of what she needs packed in a certain drawer in my room. Since she is with the medical team, she will translate for the doctors, and she will pretty much live in scrubs the time they are "in the field/at the clinic". However, she needs her "travel meds" such as malaria pills, typhoid pills, etc. Usually, this is all done weeks ahead of time, so there's no rush. Now, however.......

So, I call the Bangor Immunization Clinic, explain what's happening and why it's so last minute. At first, the only opening is Monday afternoon for the shot (malaria). After I make that appointment, and again because I'm me and I tend to talk and talk, the lady finds out that this will be her fourth trip there, so I guess she's comfortable knowing that we know what we are doing, so she tells us if we can be there within an hour, she can see us. Katie runs up to get dressed (during this conversation she was eating breakfast), I grab my purse and her shot records from previous years, and we are out the door.

So, not only do we have to get her prescriptions for the pills (somehow in the conversation it turned into getting pills as opposed to a shot....I have no idea how), I have to clean two houses on opposite ends of town AND get home in time to get them up to the Division for the Blind and Visually Impaired so they can meet with their case worker (about college bills, and what she will help them with, which winds up to be a huge help) at 3:30. By the time we get out of the Immunization clinic, it's almost 11:00. Added to this wonderful land of craziness is the fact that Katie is desperately waiting for the packing list to be emailed her by Mrs. Garrett.

We leave the Clinic, go clean my first house (over in Hermon), then on our way back into Bangor, I decide to stop by the church so Katie can get some T-shrits they have for free from the Parks and Rec department, and when we walk in, there are four people sitting at a table in the Hearth Room. They all yell, "Katie!!!!!" They are so happy she's going on the Trip. We get the shirts, talk to all who were there, and finally try to leave. We spent at least 45 minutes there. Which, normally I wouldn't mind at all, but I had another house to clean, plus get home, take a shower, and get them up to DBVI/career center so they are not late for their appointment with Carrie.

Well, somehow I managed to get everything finished in the alloted time, go to DBVI, and still have time at the end of the day to read. Of course, that still doesn't take into account all the shopping we did today (or "yesterday", depending on what time this says it is when I hit "post"). Katie and I had to go shopping for the "little doo-dads" that were not on the list, but she will know she needs.....granola bars, more scrubs, etc.

Then.......she had to spend the rest of the day packing. We have to have all the suitcases that are not carry-ons, at the church before the morning service. There is always a "dedication" service for the travelers, then a last-time information meeting for the travelers and parents.

On paper, it doesn't seem like it has been as crazy-busy as it has been. But, it's all for a good cause. And, since she and Alex have been there before, we had the whole routine down, just not the "panic" part.

Katie is so excited to be going. She hated not getting to go this year, and she still can't believe she was the one chosen to fill in. Mrs. Garrett had told me in a previoius conversation (last week ) that they were really going to miss her Spanish-speaking abilities. Now, they don't have to think about her being there....she'll be there in person!!! YAY

I'm falling asleep while writing this. I just typed (and erased) a whole sentence that doesn't/didn't make any sense!!! ha ha ha. Goodnight!!!!!

Happy Birthday Alex!!!! 20 years old.....

Happy 20th Birthday my darling, sweet, baby boy Alex!!!!! June 9, 1989 was a wonderful day for me....and the world. You were added to the earth's mix of strange, wonderful, and incredible people. You have made the world a better place just by being a part of it. You are my blessing from God; my Heavenly present. You bring me laughter when I need it, and sometimes even when I didn't know I needed it. You have taught me to look at the world in a different way (pun intended) and realize that this life can be enjoyed and conquered in more than the "traditional" way. You can do anything you set your mind to, and you have proven that time and again. You can't even begin to imagine how much I love you, how proud of you I am, and how humbly grateful I am to God that He allowed you to be my son. Happy, happy birthday Alex. Love, Mom.

Yes, it's a gift....the guys love me!!! (ha ha)

I have no idea what I even want to write. I just haven't written for a while, and I feel like catching up. I am also very tired, so I could fall asleep at any minute. So, here's an interesting story. I was picked up at Walmart. No, the guy didn't try to buy me, and he didn't get me off the shelf, but he was shopping, thought I was "extremely attractive" (his words, not mine!!) and decided to see if I would go out for coffee with him!!!! I'm standing in the stationary aisle, working, when he comes up and starts talking. I thought he was kidding because he was saying how pretty I was, and I had a nice smile, etc.... Of course, since I'm so mature and dignified, I did the obvious thing--I laughed!! Well, giggled actually. At first I honestly thought he was talking to someone behind me, so I turned around to see who else was in a previously empty aisle...but it was me!!! Then I thought he was kidding (another obvious reaction from me), but he wasn't. He was a very nice man. We talked for quite a while; well, he talked--I just giggled. It was totally cracking me up that someone thought I was that attractive and would ask me out without knowing me!!! That has never happened in my life. I've always known the people I've accepted time with. The even weirder thing is that I gave him my cell number. I never do that, either. He called me the next day, but I wasn't sure how I felt about talking to someone I still didn't know very well. I spoke with a man I work with, to get an idea of how a guy thinks, and if it would be safe since he's a retired cop. He thought that if we met at an open place it would be fine. So, I called "Walmart Guy" (as Alex named him) back and told him I'd meet him for coffee that Wednesday at my Dunkin Donuts by my Walmart.

So, we showed up at the designated time, and while he was still a nice person, it wasn't "clicking" for me. I'd say we parted as friends, but I'm so content in who I am and where I am at this stage of my life that unless it's someone who totally sets my heart pounding and my mind in a whirl, then it's not the relationship I want right now. I have done tons of praying about where God wants me right now, and He's laid it on my heart pretty heavily that He hasn't given me "the one" yet. Maybe His plan is that I will never get remarried; I'm fine with that. If it's His plan that I get married within a year, then He will work all that out for me. Walmartguy didn't get what I was trying to say when I was explaining that. The fact that the idea of me praying about my life and following those prayers didn't make sense to him told me a lot. If this would have led to a second, "real" date, I have a pretty good feeling that he would have expected a LOT more out of the date than just going to the movies or something. Ummm......no.

I would love to have a relationship where one of the "dates" would be going to church. That may not make sense to a lot of people, but to me it's just logical. My faith is who I am. I am not the "religion"; I am my Faith. My faith and belief in Christ as my Savior is all that matters to me. If someone can't understand that, then they are not for me. Sometimes it's really, really hard to live those words, because I have been attracted to some guys who were not Christians, but I know down the road that just leads to separation again.

I know what I am looking for in a guy. A sense of humor is an absolute must. Without a doubt, one hundred percent. Looks are not at the top of my list. A guy can be "plain", but with a sense of humor, all I see is the laughter. He doesn't have to be built like a movie star--6-pack abs are unrealistic and I think most of the time narcissistic. Accept me for who I am. Know that I am a package deal with my kids and that I take care of my mother. So, a sense of family is ultra important. Accept that I am an extremely independent person, especially after being on my own for the past 17 years and raising my two wonderful kids on my own...yup, I'm a hard one to tame. Get over it and be my partner, not my master. He has to know that I love someone from the depths of my soul...it's not fake. If I love you, then I am yours forever. I'd NEVER cheat on the person I love. However, if the guy cheats on me....we're through. Never, ever lay a hand on me in anger....once and I'm gone. I've been through that; not doing it again. I want him to be there with me through the good times and the bad, as I'd be there with him. I want to have a lot of the same interests, but doing things on my own is good, too. As I'd expect him to have his own interests. I want us to complement (as in complete) each other; to miss each other when we are doing our own "projects", but I don't want to be joined at the hip so we would end up somothering each other. A healthy balance. Of course, it goes without saying that he would need to be a Christian. I figured that was a "given", so I didn't include it before. Kind of an unwritten, natural expectation; along the lines of....well......breathing!!!!!

Ah, well, maybe one of these days. Until then, I have tons more living to do--with or without a man. Hopefully with the right one soon enough. If not, that's fine too!!!!!!!

So, I'm starting to fall asleep now. I've been up since about 6AM Saturday morning to be work at 8. ugh. Then I had an 8 hour shift of being on my feet those 8 hours straight. I've had no naps when I got home, and it's now past midnight. I'm soooooo tired. G'night.......

Easter

It's Easter. The Day that made all His pain and suffering on Good Friday worth it. The Day that is so joyous and wonderful that mere mortal human beings can't comprehend the extent of it.

Good Friday is when my precious Lord and Savior endured humiliation, pain, suffering, and death to take away my sins. Easter is the Resurrection Sunday when He rose from the dead so He could ascend into Heaven, while becoming our "Risen King", on whom I base my trust, my soul, my very life.

This is a Joyous Day because it fulfills the ancient prophecies of what should/did happen. We celebrate with Easter eggs, chocolate rabbits, and plastic grass. However, the real Prize is having a relationship with the One True and living God through His Son, Jesus.

Christmas is fun, festive, and a "giving spirit". Easter is Holy, humble, and a look inward. He died for each of us as individuals. At anytime in His almost 33 years on earth, He had the power to change His mind and go back to Heaven. He didn't. Instead, He endured more pain and suffering than we can ever imagine, but because He did that for us, we don't need to.

I am truly humbled and grateful what He did. Easter is His Resurrection and His "I told you so" moment. Thank you, God, for giving me a second chance. I love you.

Good Friday

Good Friday is the most humbling of all days. To think that my Jesus would willingly go through every horrible thing He went through for me/you is amazing. As much as I love, love, love Christmas, I think Easter is the most special and Holy of all. My Lord and Savior never ceases to amaze me with His love. He could have called on all His angels, or, really, just decided not to go through with the crucifixion, but He didn't. He willingly died for me. I'm humbled by His love. Easter Sunday is so joyous, but this day says it all.......

The World Wide Web of memories

It seems as though any place you go in the world, you have some sort of connection with that place. Whether a small, thin thread or a big, thick rope, it's there. In Scotland, it was ancestors and the shared fight for independence. In Indiana, of course, it's family, memories, and where I was born. Sitting here on the last leg of my journey back to Maine, I'm making the flight connection in the Philadelphia Airport. A few years ago, Scheie Eye Institute, in the University of Philadelphia, invited Katie and Alex to be part of an on-going study of their eyes/eye condition (Leber's Congenital Amorosis). My father drove from North Carolina to Philadelphia and met us here so we would have a car (his) and driver (him). He picked us up at the train station, took us to our hotel, had Tasty Cakes and stuff from Stukey's there (both of which we don't get in Maine). The next day, we went to the Eye Institute, where they spent about 10 hours in tests, eye exams, etc. They are looking for a cure, a way to prevent it, or at least a way to reverse it. The folowing day, we all went to the Philadelphia Zoo, which was so much fun. It was in the middle of winter, Alex had sprained his ankle the week before so he was in an air cast and pretty miserable, but that misery disappeared when he got bitten by the pot bellied pig!!!! He also made a friend when the iguana was staring eye-to-eye with him; every time Alex moved, so did the iguana!! My dad always told that story. It was really cute. I have some good pictures of Katie, Alex, and my father there.

So, flying into here reminds me of the time he cared enough to drive here so we wouldn't be "all alone and lost" in this big city. The next times the University wanted Katie and Alex, they flew us down, put us up in a hotel near the Eye Institute, and had a car come for us. But the first time was the most fun when we took the bus from Bangor to Boston, "hopped" on the Amtrack to Philadelphia, had the train stall in the snowstorm--lights dimmed, etc--then spent the weekend with my father getting lost, making bathroom pitstops at high-class hotels, and eating good food.

So, no matter where life takes me, there is always a memory waiting to happen, or a memory resurrected for a smile.

My plane for Portland is about ready to board. This has been a good journey. I hated to have to bury my father, but the good memories will never die, and the new ties with my Indiana Family will stay with me. I'm proud of my Hoosier heritage once again, and glad I had a chance to renew it. Everywhere I travel, I'll think of him and know that his love of traveling, laughter, making "new friends", and re-aquanting with old ones lives on in me; the World Wide Web of Memories continues..... Thanks, Dad. I love you.

Sticky Table Restaurants and Country Miles

I'm sitting in a diner called "Pappy's" in downtown Brazil (right smack dab on Rte 40). It's actually a bar and grill, but I don't see any place for a bar, so I'll consider it a diner. Terra was right--this is the absolutely BEST pulled pork I have ever tasted. I'm enjoying every morsel. It is not open on Sunday and Monday, so we were not able to get here together, but in wandering around Main Street today, my last day here, I saw that it was open, so here I am!! Unfortunately, she had to work today, or I would have loved to be wandering with her.

Pappy's is not a "sticky table restaurant", either. That's Terra's name for the hometown places that don't clean their tables very well, so cups, plates, fingers, and arms stick to the tables. Ewwww.... I had never heard that expression, but I think I'm going to adopt it. I love it. I've been to quite a few of those places in my life, and now I have something to call them!! ha ha

This morning, I learned about "country miles" from Uncle Jack. We drove out to the cemetery after breakfast, and on the way back I asked him about the street signs that said "900N", "800S", etc. I didn't know why they had numbers and compass directions instead of names. There are some streets that have names, and some have a number and a compass direction. He said most of Brazil is laid out in "country miles", so the 911 operators know where to send an emergency vehicle. "800N" is 8 miles parallel to Rt 40, for instance, and each numbered road is a mile long. So, at the end of a road, you know you've gone a mile, then it will intersect with a "new" road, a new name or number, and a new direction. I just thought that was fascinating. I love learning new facts, and any trivia is good trivia. It makes a lot of sense, and now I can see why people around here speak of driving in compass direction terms, instead of "left" and "right". As in: at the next road, go west. Instead of: at the next road, turn left. Of course, there's still the right and left directions, but it's interspersed with a compass point.

Ahh,,,,the things you learn visiting family!!!!

My cousin Brian is coming down from Indianapolis today so I can spend the night at his house and we can be closer to the airport tomorrow morning. That will save me a few hours sleep in the morning, and anytime I can sleep in, I'm happy!! ha ha.

Well, I have finished my absolutely, positively delicious lunch. Even the potato salad is wonderful. Not vinegary. My taste buds will be remembering this for a long time!!! yum yum!!!! And, my laptop is very glad it's not a sticky table restaurant!

Connecting with lost family

It's amazing to be connecting with so much "lost" family. People I haven't seen for over 30 years, and yet it seems like yesterday. I am sitting in a park called "Forest Park", and it's so familiar to me. I remember walking over here from my grandparent's house just down the road on West Posey Street. I remember the "amphitheater" (shell, as they call it here) where my cousins, brother and I used to run around in, the old playground toys, such as the wooden 'merry go round' that had pump handles to make it go faster and faster, round and round...., the teetering steel animals that had sort of saddles for seats and you rocked them back and forth, the bridges over the creeks, and the slides that seemed oh so big at the time, but as an adult are not so tall. There are two original log cabins that had been transported here long before 1960, so we could all see how primitive the living was "back in the day". And, of course, there's the concession stand. Yummy treats were handed out those windows!!!!

For some unknown reason, I have always referred to this park as "Candy Land Park", or "Candy Cane Park". I have n0 idea how my young brain latched on to that, but ever since I was little, I've called it that. I didn't even realize until the other day that the real name is "Forest Park". I have such great memories from here. To be sitting here after all these years is wonderful. And, of course, just thinking of the passing of time and all the advances is amazing. To go back to a neat subject.....I'm accessing the Internet on my laptop via my wireless USB drive which is hooked up to my Verizon Wireless. When I used to come here as a kid, they still had party lines on their telephones!! I love technology.

I have met up with many cousins, as I said, but so far one in particular has been an absolute blessing to me. Terra. She is my Uncle Terry's daughter. He was my father's youngest brother, and he died of lung cancer when he was in his 30's (back in 1978). Terra was young when he died (maybe 7 or 8). I remember when she was little, and I always even liked her as a kid. I'm about 11 years older than she is, so I remember her a lot.

She and I hit it off right away when we met at breakfast Friday morning. Saturday after the funeral, she and her mom (Aunt Anita) took me for a drive and we hung out for a while after that, then Sunday I went to church with them and we spent the day together. She has lent me her car so I've got some independence. Today I have been "exploring" places like downtown, this park, and Walmart!!! I had to see how this Walmart compares to mine in Maine; this one is a lot smaller, and compressed. When I got in her car, she had it tuned to the Christian radio station!!!! Yay!!!!!! I've been able to drive and listen to my favorite music today!!!! Terra is so easy to talk to, and I feel like I've re-discovered a sister. Her husband, Adam, is absolutely adorable and reminds me of Alex in so many ways. Selectively social is definitely something they share!!!! And, she is so much like Katie it's unreal. So sweet.

Tonight, hopefully, will be a dinner with a lot of us--Uncle Jack, Terra, Jane Ann, Jimmy David.....and whoever else wants to join us. Jane Ann and Jimmy David are brother and sister; their mother was Grandmaw's neice, I think. I'm going to have to sit down with Uncle Jack and write out a family tree. I get everyone confused!!! I just know that Jane Ann, her sister Paula Kay (who passed away back in the 1990's) and I would always hang around together when my family came out here to visit from Maryland. I remember one time their mother, Aunt Tootie, took the two sisters and me to Penney's and we three girls got matching pocket books. They were white with black trim and a silver buckle/clasp. We thought we were really something. When I saw Jane Ann at the funeral home, I asked her if she remembered, and she did!!!

So, now I'm sitting here in the park where I played all those years ago. It feels like home. Everyone welcoming me back with open arms feels wonderful. By being here, I'm reconnecting with a past that was warm and comforting, and I don't have any desire to get rid of. I had an incredible childhood, both here and in Maryland. I'll have to go into more sweet memories later, but right now I just like sitting here, or worries or rushing around. It's nice to de-stress for a while. I have one more day in Indiana, then I fly back home Wednesday morning. I'm anxious to be back home and get back to my regular routine, but it's also very nice to be on "vacation". Even though I'm out here for a sad reason, it's nice to be reconnecting. I know that's how my father would have wanted it.

It's getting late, and the wind is starting to get chilly; I don't have a coat on, either. I'll end this for now and write more when I can.

Another leg of my journey.....

I'm now sitting in LaGuardia Airport in New York City, waiting to get on my connecting flight to Indiana. I haven't seen my father's side of the family since he and my mother were divorced about 30 years ago--I was 17. I'm excited about seeing everyone; I wish it were under happier circumstances, of course. It's the way of life, I guess, how a death can reunite a family. I feel like I'm going into a "foreign" family, yet at the same time they are the people with whom I share genes, family connections, and/or memories. My cousin Brian is picking me up in Indianapolis. To hear his voice on the phone yesterday confirming pick up times, I was struck by the grown up I was talking with as opposed to the little kid I knew all those years ago. Time marches on for all of us.

Of course, my father kept me up to date on the news of the Hoosier Clan. Sometimes there were "almost connections" with some of them, but because we are such a nation of "being busy", it never really stuck. I hope it will this time.

They are calling my flight. Here we go........

Technology is Amazing!!!!

I am sitting on a Concord Trailways bus heading down to Portland to catch the plane that will take me to Indiana, where I will attend my father's funeral. I think it's very fitting that this should be the first time I am using something as amazing as completely wireless technology--thanks to my Verizon Wireless handy dandy USB adaptor, which is allowing me complete access to the internet world and beyond. He had finally gotten on board with email as of last year, and decided he loved it. Thanks to Alex and me convincing/hounding/pestering him for years, he had finally given in, gotten a computer, and thought it was wonderful. He'd be absolutely fascinated with this, and would wonder when "computer genius Alex" would improve upon it.

I thought my first computer "way back" in 1998 was a true miracle. Dial up so you can access the world??? Amazing!!! Of course, you couldn't use the phone at the same time, but that was ok. Who called all that much? Well, after a while, that got to be a pain, plus the world wide spider's web of information was exponentially growing, while my cranky old desktop was getting slower and couldn't keep up with al the new innovations. Anyone remember floppy disks? No? My point exactly.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I kept hearing about the wonderful things people were doing with computers, but I just couldn't seem to have all those wonderful experiences. At the same time, Alex was becoming more and more adept at these things, and the more he researched the more he learned that the world was just waiting to happen....but not with a dinosaur of a computer like mine. He introduced me to a word that struck fear in my heart and laughter in my veins---laptop. Why would I want to give up all the "horsepower" of a new desktop, which were also so much cheaper, for a portable device which I wouldn't use all that much anyway; AND I just had to laugh at the thought of ever becoming so attached to a piece of computerized machinery that I couldn't justify spending a few hundred dollars more. He rightfully sneered at me and continued to extoll the virtues of "the portable computer". I rightfully continued to ignore him, blissfully researching the new and improved desk top computer that would grace my desk.

Then, he and I were selected to travel to Scotland with our Wing's Civil Air Patrol. Scotland???? How incredibly exciting!!!! The history, the beauty, the millions of pictures I could take with my brand new digital camera my cousin had gotten for me. Uh oh. That was my achille's heel, and Alex knew it. What would I do with all the pictures once my camera card was full? Wouldn't it be nice to send pictures back to Katie while we were still over there? There's so much you can do on a laptop!! You know, the kid had a point.....I was done. No more arguing. Of course, the final blow to my know-it-all-ego came when he pointed out that for years I had disdainfully disregarded any notion of owning a digital camera. Never wanted one, and couldn't see why people would give up film when they could have digital. Blah, blah, blah. Then, in the spring of '05, my cousin Sandy gave me my first digital camera. I was hooked. No going back. Technology in a hand-held box. Awesome. I LOVED my digital camera. It went everywhere with me, and taking pictures is a passion of mine. So, the digital camera started my descent into Pixel Land, and it's been a wonderful, joyous ride ever since. Needless to say, my laptop was bought and delivered about a month or so before we flew over to Scotland. What an incredible decision!!! Loved it!!! We used it constantly over there. Amazing.

The next new and improved idea from Alex was wireless. No more phone lines. The wireless router was the way to go. (somehow between all this, the broadband experience was brought into the house, so we didn't have to share the phone line anymore, but that just kind of "happened" and I don't remember exactly how.) Ahhhhh..... the wireless time. New and exciting time for our computers. So nice not to have any wires hooked up. Last year, I bought a wireless printer. Amazing. Love it!!!!

Now, I am traveling down the highway, hooked up to the Internet (thank you ARPA Net; Air Force), definitely wireless, but plugged into technology in a big way. Next time Alex says he has a great idea about what we should do relating to computers, I'm just going to tell him to do it, then let me know. I'm sure I'll be happy with his decision.....even if I go unwillingly at first.

My dad died this morning. I was working overnight at Walmart, and I received the phone call from my Uncle Jack around 3AM, during the "lunch time". The hospital had just called him, then he called me right away. I took the phone out in the hallway by the break room, and once I heard the news, I started crying. There were people by the time clock, and when they saw me starting to cry, they all asked if I was OK, if they could help, etc. I kept nodding my head, crying, and talking to my uncle at the same time. I walked down the hall a bit, to a corner, and continued talking to him. Since I was facing into the corner, I didn't see anyone walking towards me; Christine, my immediate boss (Assistant Manager) came up behind me, patting me on the back. I turned around and she was crying, too, and she gave me a huge hug. She stayed right with me for the minute or two it took to finish my phone call with Uncle Jack, and she made sure I was ok. I then explained to her what my uncle had told me, then she said I could go home if I wanted. I didn't want to leave because I deal with things much better when I keep busy. If I came home, I'd have a lot to think about and no one to talk to unless my mother happened to be up, so I stayed there around a lot of people. Since we are closed during the night, everyone in there was an employee and they all know me. It's such a great "little" family at that store. I totally love working for Walmart, especially this particular store.

After about a half hour of being back on the floor (we are doing "mod re-sets", rearranging old merchandise and getting ready for the new merchandise coming in. I only work overnights when they need me, otherwise I'm on the salesfloor during the day.), anyway, after a bit, my "former" boss (Jesse) came over and gave me a hug, too. He is such a doll. He's young (very early 20's), but he has the Leadership Qualities that are so important to being an excellent leader. I'm very protective and motherly towards him, which he finds so funny. He went to overnights permanently about two months ago, but he was my original boss when I was hired over a year ago, and up until they shook everything up by switching all the boss's hours around. One of my coworkers even gave me a hug. Brenda Lee, another wonderful boss, came in this morning for the day shift, and when I told her about it, she even hugged me!!

I called Uncle Jack once I got home, and North Carolina will have to embalm the body so they can send it on the airplane back to Indiana. The funeral will be held whenever I want it, so I changed my flight from North Carolina to Indiana. I was able to change the destination, but not the days. Otherwise, I would be paying tons of money. It will be kind of nice to go back to Indiana.

It's so strange not to have my dad be-bopping somewhere on this earth. We didn't talk incredibly often, but even when we weren't in touch, I knew where he was. And that's a nice feeling to know that as soon as he gets internet accesss, he'd drop me an email, or a letter, or even a phone call. Or, I'd write to him, and know that once he got back, he'd get it. There was always the thread of a connection, even if it was sometimes just a quick call or a one sentence email. Half of my DNA is gone. That' s a strange feeling.

Losing a parent

This has been an extremely hard week. This past Monday (March 3) I got a phone call from my dad's "girlfriend"--they are in their 60s/70s and been together for over 10 years, so should I say companion?--telling me my dad had fallen and was in the hospital with bleeding in his brain. At first, they thought it was "only" a vessel that was leaking and could be fixed. Since they live in the tiny town of Maysville, NC, he was transferred to a larger hospital in Wilmington, New Hanover Region Med Center. He was in the ICU, and the nurse held the phone so I could talk to him. He was coherent, but just a little "out of it"; he said I sounded like our neighbor up here. He has never said that, and our voices are nothing alike. He told me a little about his trip to Florida to spend a week with his brother, Uncle Jack, and how nice it was to spend time with him. He also told me how he was in a lot of pain down there, and sat on the couch most of the time, and was in too much pain to drive back to NC, so Karen drove. When he fell that morning, "I fell down and the ground fell up!!" Yup, always something "smart" to say, no matter the circumstances. He seemed tired, so I told him I loved him very much and that everything would be ok.

That was the last time I talked to him; the last words he ever spoke to me.

Since then, I have called every day or the doctor--Dr. Schultz--has called me. He is an incredibly nice, sincere doctor. Tells me like it is. Actually, the nurses are incredibly wonderful, too. The first few days when I called, my dad was sleeping so I couldn't talk to him. He got progressively worse each day, where he has been in a coma for the past three days.

Last Tuesday, I found out from Dr.Schultz that my dad has small cell carcinoma, caused by YEARS of smoking, which was not detected early enough, even though the mass in his lungs was as big as a baseball. By last Monday when he went in, the mass had invaded the lining of the lung and started touching a rib. More CT scans followed, and they found it all through his spine, his brain, bones, and wrapped around the arteries of his chest. At first, the doctors thought the sub-dual hematoma (bleeding in his brain) was caused by the aspirins he was taking for his heart; since his heart attack a few years ago, he's been doing the aspirin regimine. By Thursday, the bleeding had gone from just the right side of his brain to the left, and was draining all through his body. Dr. Schultz said the bleeding happens with cancer like this.

Tuesday, I started looking for flights down there, thinking I had a few weeks to see him. By Thursday, I knew I had to get down there sooner, so that morning I was able to book a flight on US Air out to Bangor to Raleigh-Durham Airport. I leave Thursday, March 12, and return Wednesday, March 18. I will either rent a car while I'm down there, or my cousin Sandy, her son Nicky and his family live in NC, so they have offered to help, too.

Thursday night, on my way home from work at Walmart, I got a call from dad's ICU nurse telling me he had taken a turn for the worse, with swelling of the brain and even more bleeding, and she didn't know how long he would "last". As with everytime I talked to a nurse or the doctor, I asked her to tell him I love him and that I'm trying to get down there as soon as possible. I was so glad I had booked my flight, but of course now I wish I had made it for sooner. However, at the time I made the reservation, there seemed to be more time. Now, it seems like every day he picks up momentum on the downhill slope toward leaving us.

Everyday, of course, I have also been in touch with Karen, her daughters who came out from Indiana to be with her, or my Uncle Jack, with whom I have emailed over the years, but haven't actually talked to since my parent's divorce when I was 17 (30 years ago!!!!!) It was so nice to talk to him again. I'd love to reconnect with my Indiana family. My dad's family is all there, and I was born there in Clay County Hospital, Brazil Indidana. Fun fact of the day.

I called the hospital this morning, thinking I was going to talk with weekend doctor (Dr. Schultz told me yesterday that he has the weekend off), but when I called the nurse put me on the phone with Karen, who had been there all night. As she and I were talking, Uncle Jack came in, so I talked with him for a bit, then the doctor came in for an update, and Uncle Jack held the phone so I could hear what was being said. That was a good idea. The doctor said he could hang on for a few weeks or a few days. I really want to get down there before he dies. I know he can't hear me, or will even realize I'm there, but just in case......

As Karen and I were talking, we discovered that neither she nor I know anything about my father's will. Is that too ridiculous or what???? When I talked to him a few years ago, after his heart attack, he just said "don't worry about it; Karen knows what to do, and everything's taken care of." She said the only thing she knows about is his stock account with a certain company. Other than that, she has no idea who his lawyer is or if he even had one, since he never discussed it with her. Now, poor Karen has to deal with all of this. Well, as his daughter, I guess it's going to be up to me, but I don't even know where to start!!! Of course, since I'm a "digger", I can probably find out anything I need to. She and I will figure all this out once everything has settled down. I'm worried that she's going to get herself sick with the stress of watching him die, and not getting enough sleep or to eat. She is a very nice lady, and I've always liked her. In fact, the few times she has talked to my mother, mom has said that she's nice.

So, that's the story of what's happening as of now, March 7, 11:25AM. I will be making more plans for once I go down there. I have called their neighbor who went to the same church so I can find out about my dad's "heart place". I know he grew up Pentacostal, and they attended a Southern Baptist church in NC, so I really hope he's going to be waiting for me in Heaven.

It's Almost Spring!!!!

I can't wait until Spring. It was snowing heavily when I woke up, an hour later the snow had turned into small, wet flakes, and about two hours later, the sun was out, the wind had died down, and it was warm enough to go without a coat. It had to be about 35 degrees!!! Yay!!!! Now, this slight upturn in the weather department has made me yearn all the more for Spring. Flowers. Green grass. Birds chirping. Mud. Flooded basement. My beagle/basset Jill finding the smallest escape possible under the fence and running away (she always returns about an hour later after scouting the neighborhood). More mud. Tons of potholes (caves, really). Frost heaves settling down. Who doesn't love Spring???? I can't wait. I bought some paint today for touch-ups around the house, I bought some mini blinds for my room to replace the ugly OLD shades, and I even bought some new curtain rods to replace the bent and broken ones in various windows.

I'm so ready to get started. This has been a very hard winter, both emotionally and health-wise. I always feel as though spring is a time of renewal and new beginnings. I'm ready. I have so many things to look forward to, and so many goals to be met. I know I won't be able to accomplish all of them, or even get close; however, just choosing a few of the more important ones, or even having them "chosen" for me because of circumstances, makes me feel like I'm still in the Game of Life.

The four feet or more of snow will slowly but surely melt; the little buds waiting under the ground to spring forth will emerge in a blaze of glory; the trees will start to reach even higher to the sky, and my windows will stay open longer and longer each day to allow the beautiful breeze to dance through the house and kiss us all with its beauty and promise. I'm ready. Even with some of the downsides of spring (see "list" above...ha ha), it's still a glorious time. With every mud season comes the promise of enough rain to keep us hydrated; with the wet basement comes the reminder that I have tons of stuff down there to be sorted and thrown away, but I've been blessed enough to have been able to buy; potholes and frost heaves are nature's way of giving us the assurance that the circle of the seasons still holds true; and worrying about my precious Jill means that she is still alive to drive me crazy and worry about her, which I wouldn't trade for anything.

I'm ready. A few more snowstorms--spring storms as we call them here--and we will be done. Another year of possiblilities is upon us. Every day a new blessing to be thankful for.

I'm ready.

Now, the truth about the Feb 3 entry..

Just to clarify, the post from Feb 3 is only partly true. I did NOT have to work on Feb 4. That, as you can tell from the previous-to-this entry, was just in case Katie read my blog; I wanted her to think I was working so she'd have no clue whatsoever that I was coming up to visit her. It worked!!! Well, she hadn't read my blog, but because Alex and I told her I was working, she believed us!!! I'm so, so happy she was surprised. She is absolutely, without a doubt, the most wonderful daughter anyone could ever hope for. I love her so extremely much. I'm so proud of the young woman she has become. She has blessed my life beyond measure, and I'm so grateful to God everyday that He allowed her to be my daughter. That He trusted me that much to "loan" her to me on earth. That I am the humble recipient of an exquisite gift from God. It astonishes me that I could be so blessed. Katie, we have been through more than most people can imagine in your lifetime here on earth, but we have always gotten through it with love, laughter, and tons of prayer. God has always been there when we needed Him, as He's always there when we are "coasting along". He has raised you; I've just been the fortunate soul who has tried to do what He wanted with you. I hope He is as happy with how I've raised you, as I am with just having you in my life. I love you more than you could ever imagine. My pride in you, respect for you, and love of you has no bounds. You are truly who I want to be when I grow up. I love you. Humbly, MOM. Happy Birthday.